Hello, and welcome to another week in our lives!  We have another set of
days to make of as we will, to turn into what we wish them to be.  May
your week be one of personal accomplishment and cherished moments,
and may you brighten the days of those around you!

Confidence
Nikki Stone

What Can I Contribute
to the World Today?
tom walsh

Grow Down
Bernie Siegel

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Henry van Dyke

When I'm bewildered and overwhelmed, I seek the gentle guidance of a person I know will respond with compassion.  Life is complicated enough without having to listen to the caustic remarks of someone's misdirected strength.

Patsy Clairmont

Your living is determined not so much by what
life brings to you as by the attitude you bring
to life; not so much by what happens to you as
by the way your mind looks at what happens.

John H. Miller

Confidence
Nikki Stone

After a year of dealing with my injury, I was back on the slopes in time for the 1997 World Championships in Nagano, Japan, site of the following year's Winter Olympic Games.  I couldn't wait to show the world that Nikki Stone was back.  What I didn't realize was that the world hadn't waited while Nikki Stone was recuperating.

Competing with the same jumps I had perfected before my injury, I found that many of my fellow athletes had increased their degree of difficulty and were performing more advanced jumps.  Even if I executed my maneuvers perfectly, it would still be a long shot for me to make it to the podium.  I ended the World Championship finals in eleventh place.

Now, I'm not stupid.  I knew eleventh place was a long way from where I needed to be in order to stand atop that dreamed-of podium.

Rubbing salt in my wounds, a sports journalist wrote, "Nikki Stone will never stand on the podium again."  Ouch!  I had two options:  feel sorry for myself and fall victim to what the reporter had to say.  Or prove him wrong by sticking my neck out and believing in myself.

I decided to take that second option and prove that journalist wrong.  I was going to build my confidence to do some of those more difficult jumps so that he would have to eat his words.  No one was going to count me out.

But I did know that, to accomplish my goals, I needed to step up my game.  Doing harder jumps was going to prove to be just as big a challenge since I was so afraid of heights.  Double flips require you to jump thirty feet high.  To do triple flips, I would have to launch myself fifty feet in the air--the height of a five-story building.  I felt queasy looking down from such a height.  How was I going to tackle this timidity?  I had to concentrate on my successful acrobatic and landing abilities, and try to ignore my fear of heights.

As I continued preparing for the Olympics, I realized the jumps weren't the only thing I needed to change.  My practice had to be much different than it was four years earlier.  I knew it was important to keep my peripheral vision on the competition, but if I was only worrying about their training, I wouldn't be focusing enough on my own practice.  If I was in a sprinting race and turned around to see what the other runners were doing, they would blow by me.  I had to keep looking forward and worry about my own progress, pushing full steam ahead.

Finding my strengths and determining my most appropriate preparations gave me the confidence I needed.  And my confidence gave me a shot at proving that journalist wrong.

Confidence is not something we are born with.  It's something we develop.  We all have the ability to develop confidence.  We have to be willing to stick our necks out, knowing that we may feel a bit uncomfortable at first.  But it will pay off.

As Peter T. Mcintyre said, "Confidence comes not from always being right, but from not fearing to be wrong."
   

Eyes Wide Open
tom walsh

What Can I Contribute to the World Today?

It's just after 4 a.m. as I write these words.  I'm usually not up this early, but a stray dog decided to bark just outside my window at three, and I wasn't able to get back to sleep.  So rather than lay there in bed wishing I could fall asleep (wishing that life were somehow other than it really was at the moment), I decided to get up and get some things done.  I have a long trip to take this weekend, so I can get ready for that.  I have classes to prepare, so I can do that.

And as I sit here thinking about the day to come, I realize that there are several ways that I can look at the hours ahead.  First of all, the conditioned response that I would feel if I did what most people seem to do would be to dread the coming hours, because I just know that I'm going to be tired all day long.  The reality there, though, is that I know that's not necessarily true--I may get a bit tired during the day, but I did get quite a bit of sleep last night, so it shouldn't be all that much of a problem.  Besides, my energy levels during the day are up to me for the most part, and even if I do get tired, there are ways that I can raise my energy levels and wake myself up (and none of them involve caffeine!).

So that makes this a day like most others, not a day of being tired.  But does it have to be just another day, or can I make it something special?  I think that most of us like special days, but few of us approach days with the express purpose of turning our days into something exceptional; instead, we tend to sit around and wait for special things to come our way.  And in my experience, that just doesn't happen all that often, unless we prime the pump by contributing exceptional things ourselves.

Exceptional things don't have to be expensive or exotic or even material.  I've found that I respond to words even more than I respond to material gifts.  When someone compliments me out of the blue or encourages me to keep up what I'm doing, I carry that with me for a very long time.  I've found out from others that this is true for them.  A student once wrote me a beautiful letter in which he mentioned the fact that I said hello to him and smiled every time I saw him on campus, and that it meant a lot to him.  A simple smile and a hello was something that this young man remembered, and I never would have guessed that this action on my part made any difference at all.

Matthew Kelly says, "There are six billion people on the planet, and 5.9 billion of them go to bed every night starving for one honest word of appreciation."  I know that many of them go to bed after I've had an opportunity to encourage them, praise them, or thank them, yet I've chosen not to, for whatever reason.  I don't know why--it wouldn't have cost me anything, and there would have been no risk at all.  I think it's because sometimes I'm so involved in what's going on in my own life, my own tasks and needs and wants, that I simply don't recognize such opportunities when they arise, and I don't recognize the needs in other people.

But now that I'm aware of this dynamic, what am I going to do about it?

That's simple: all I have to do is start being aware of my opportunities to give, my chances to contribute to this world in any way, no matter how small.  Perhaps that smile and a greeting will brighten up another person's day in a small way--and many small contributions to this person's life may make a significant difference as time goes on.

A word of encouragement can be like a cool breeze on a hot day to many people.  Not enough people receive encouragement on a regular basis, it seems, and if that fact is going to change, then the change needs to begin with us as we encourage people unconditionally to seek out their own dreams and hopes and aspirations, and to do as well as they can on their current tasks, be they at work, in the family, at school, or wherever else people can use encouragement.

When someone pays me a compliment, it sticks with me.  For a long time.  For not only has someone else noticed that I've done something well, but they've also taken the time to tell me that they've noticed.  That means a lot to me.  So I have to assume that when I compliment someone else sincerely, that compliment will mean something, even if it seems it doesn't.  Perhaps it will be like a tiny twig that a bird brings to build its nest--the twig itself doesn't seem to mean much, but when it's put into place with many other twigs, it's very important.

And speaking of birds, I recently read a nice idea for contributing to the world that makes a lot of sense.  A character in a novel (Star Girl by Jerry Spinelli) saves her hair after haircuts to put outside for birds to use in their nests.  This is truly a gift that she'll never see used, but one that could be very positive to a bird or three.

And that type of gift gets to be a habit that builds in its benefits as time goes on.  Using recycling bins, picking up pieces of litter on the street, holding doors open for others, helping people to carry things, letting someone else into traffic, a sincere thank you to someone who normally doesn't get thanked--all of these things are simple actions, but they're also real contributions to the positive energy of the world in which we live.

It doesn't take much to contribute.  We can give of our hearts and minds--a gift doesn't have to be monetary or material to be significant.  But if I want my day to be brighter and more memorable, then I have to make the decision to make it so--I can't simply wait around and hope that something's going to happen to make my day special.  That sort of thing may happen every once in a while, but if I want my days to be special, it's up to me to do things to make them special, rather than waiting for something great to fall from the sky into my life.

A Couple of Nice Songs from Martina McBride.

She didn't write them, but she sings them and makes them her own.  I don't really have favorite singers or actors, but I have a special place in my heart for Martina McBride because of the positive, uplifting material that she chooses to sing.  These are just two of the songs that always make me want to hear more of what she does:

God's Will
Tom Douglas, Barry Dean

(for a touching video of this song, visit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCRrrP0EhPc )

I met God's Will on a Halloween night
He was dressed as a bag of leaves
It hid the braces on his legs at first

His smile was as bright as the August sun
When he looked at me
As he struggled down the driveway, it almost
Made me hurt

Will don't walk too good
Will don't talk too good
He won't do the things that the other kids do,
In our neighborhood

[Chorus:]
I've been searchin', wonderin', thinkin'
Lost and lookin' all my life
I've been wounded, jaded, loved and hated
I've wrestled wrong and right
He was a boy without a father
And his mother's miracle
I've been readin', writin', prayin', fightin'
I guess I would be still
Yeah, that was until
I knew God's Will

Will's mom had to work two jobs
We'd watch him when she had to work late
And we'd all laugh like I hadn't laughed
Since I don't know when

"Hey Jude" was his favorite song
At dinner he'd ask to pray
And then he'd pray for everybody in the world but him

[Chorus]

Before they moved to California
His mother said, they didn't think he'd live
And she said each day that I have him, well it's just
another gift
And I never got to tell her, that the boy
Showed me the truth
In crayon red, on notebook paper, he'd written
"Me and God love you"

I've been searchin', prayin', wounded, jaded
I guess I would be still
Yeah that was until...
I met God's Will on a Halloween night
He was dressed as a bag of leaves

Martina does receive partial writing credit for this song:

Beautiful Again
Martina McBride, Brett Warren, Nick Trevisick, Brad Warren

She was only ten when her daddy got fired
He drank away the family home and left them all alone
And then her mommy was just too tired
So she got sent away

She moved in with her aunt in Arizona
Everything was fine until she told on Uncle Bill
When he said he only wanted to hold her
She had to run away

[Chorus]
But when it rains, the past gets washed away, and then
She smiles 'cause she knows in the end
The world gets beautiful, beautiful again

Her boyfriend said I'm way too young to get married
But she made up her mind that somehow she was gonna
Find a way to keep that baby she carried
And he just walked away

[Repeat Chorus]

And when she's lying all alone
Thinkin' about her life she wonders
If she is wrong to believe in a better world
Then she sees her little girl
And she knows she is right 'cause

[Repeat Chorus]

Living Life Fully, the e-zine
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Grow Down
The Wisdom of Children
Bernie Siegel

Love. Accept the miraculous.  Be open to possibilities.  Take part in the ongoing act of creation.

We've heard all this before.  We know we should love one another and enjoy creation.  But how?  That's the hard part.  St. Paul was feuding with some of the other apostles when he wrote the famous love passage in Corinthians, and the people he was writing to were arguing among themselves.  It is one thing to know that love is the key to a life of peace and joy, but it is another thing to be loving.

If you want to become more loving, I can tell you where to find good teachers.  Animals can teach us a lot about living in the moment and appreciating the day.  About being in the right relationship with God and your fellow creatures.  About not being affected by money and not moaning and whining about problems.

If you want human teachers, I can tell you where to find them, too.  At lectures and seminars I tell people they'd be happier if they grew down rather than up.  My adult audiences usually agree when I go on to explain that many grown-ups aren't very good company.  We listened when people told us, "Grow up.  Get serious."  We have a limited view of the world.  There is a sadness about us.  We grew up, got serious and became depressed adults.

Prophets, mythmakers, and storytellers all advise us to be more childlike.  Who inherits the kingdom of heaven?  Who sees the truth about the emperor's new clothes?  Who lives a timeless life?  As a parent and physician, I have learned that when you lose the ability to be childlike you put your life and your health in danger.  Children, sick or well, can teach us about honesty and feelings.  They can show us how to be loving in the face of adversity and even death.  I have seen many children beat cancer--some by getting well and others by living fully despite the cancer that ended their young lives early.  Many children with cancer have written letters and some have written books telling what they learned from being sick, and those letters and books are some of the wisest writings I've ever read.

I saw the wisdom of children in my own family many years ago when it appeared that our son, Keith at the age of seven, had cancer.  He had complained about his leg hurting and finally, at his urging, we took an X-ray that showed a defect in the bone.  I immediately assumed cancer.  As a physician, I knew that the only treatment available was an amputation, and that even with this treatment our beautiful child would probably be dead in a year.  He was scheduled for surgery to biopsy the tumor, but in the week before his biopsy I viewed him as dead-within-a-year.

I was already living in a tragic future, mourning a death that hadn't yet occurred.  I couldn't play with the children or have any fun or make love because I thought I knew what was going to happen.  I wanted to tell all the children in the house, "Be quiet.  Go to your rooms.  Your brother is going to be dead in a year."

The children knew something was wrong with their brother, and they knew it might be serious.  But they didn't know the statistics so they did not live in a tragic future.  They went about playing, having fun, living each day as it came and not worrying about events that might or might not happen.  For that week, I was separated from the family by my grief.  Then the biopsy results came back and the tumor was a rare but totally benign growth.  So our beautiful son was not dead-within-a-year and I was able to rejoin the family.  Keith told me I had handled things poorly.  I agreed because I needed him as my teacher.  The experience helped me understand what the parents of my patients go through, and it also taught me the folly of living in the future. . . .

Here is a list of survival traits.  This list was compiled from the works of many different authors, all of whom had a common experience.  See if you can guess what they have in common.

Live life to the fullest; no one knows what will happen tomorrow.

Accept what comes; use it to master the art of living.

Worrying won't help.

Live one day at a time.

Share hope with people.

Remember there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

No one knows the power of the individual.

Keep trying.

It's all right to show emotions.

Don't stop dreaming.

God is always there to help.

Don't wait for tragedy; say it today:  "I love you and I'm glad you are alive."

What do the authors of those twelve pieces of wisdom have in common?  For one thing, the authors are all children.  No doubt you are familiar with some of these maxims.  You can find similar messages in popular songs or storybooks.  I know I had heard most of their suggestions twenty years ago when I thought our son had cancer, but I certainly didn't act as if I knew the value of living one day at a time.

Children who contributed these items are not simply repeating platitudes from songs or storybooks.  They know what they are talking about, because each author has or had a life-threatening cancer.  I've been fortunate enough to meet some of these children, and I consider them my teachers because they live the message faithfully.

     

Siegel is a well-loved brand name, and his collection of anecdotes, stories, and supportive advice does have its amusing moments. Among the topics Siegel covers are how to find peace of mind; how to love, encourage, and forgive other people as well as yourself; and how to thrive in bad times and survive the good times. For those ready to be uplifted by the soothing repetition of time-tested homilies, Siegel delivers the goods.