January 5, 2010

  

Good morning, and welcome to a new year and a new decade in our lives!
Now that we know that we're starting out in a new decade, perhaps we
can dare to risk some of those changes that we constantly have put off
because of the risk involved.

We Are Not Who We Think We Are
Ed and Deb Shapiro

A New Kind of Resolution
David Niven

You're Making a Lasting Impression
Jeff Keller

Kindness Spoken Here
Gail Pursell Elliott

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The whole idea of compassion is based on a keen awareness of the interdependence of all these living beings, which are all part of one another, and all involved in one another.

Thomas Merton

Spiritual energy brings compassion into the real world.  With compassion, we see benevolently our own human condition and the condition of our fellow beings.  We drop prejudice.  We withhold judgment.

Christina Baldwin

The individual is capable of both great compassion and great indifference.  We have it within our means to nourish the former and outgrow the latter.

Norman Cousins

Until we extend the circle of our compassion to all living things, we will not ourselves find peace.

Albert Schweitzer

  

  
We Are Not Who We Think We Are
Ed and Deb Shapiro

Perhaps you have heard this story about a frog and a scorpion:

One day a frog was sitting happily by the side of the river when a scorpion came along.

"Oh Mr. Frog," said the scorpion, "I need to get to the other side of the river to be with my family.  Will you please carry me across?"

"But Mr. Scorpion, if I do that, then you will sting me!" replied the frog, somewhat aghast at the request.

"No, I won't," said the scorpion.

"Do you promise?" asked a rather doubtful frog.

"I really promise--I will not sting you," said the scorpion.

"Do you really, really promise?" asked a still-dubious frog.

"Yes, I really promise," replied the scorpion, very sincerely.

"Okay," the frog said reluctantly.  "Hop on."

The scorpion climbed on top of the frog's back and they set off.  Halfway across the river, the scorpion stung the frog.

In horror, the frog, unable to continue swimming and with both of them about to drown, finally managed to gasp, "Please, Mr. Scorpion, just tell me one thing before we both go under.  Just tell me why, when you promised you would not, why, oh why did you sting me?"

"Because it is my nature," replied the scorpion.

With no intention of being derogatory to scorpions, this story shows how the nature of the scorpion appears unchangeable and fixed.  It has no choice regarding its behavior because it is a scorpion; that is simply the way it is.

And most of us think we are just the same.  We think we cannot change, that we are the way we are and that's that--this is who I am and I cannot change and I won't change!  But where a scorpion is not necessarily able to act any differently, we can.  We do have choices.  We do not have to be the way we think we are; we can actually be and act differently.  In the nineteenth century, philosopher William James said, "The great revolution in our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives."

And we do so long for change, to be different, to be healthier or happier than we are--the grass always seems to be so much greener elsewhere.  Or we want to change the world so that women are not abused and there is less violence and poverty. . . .

It can appear relatively simple to make changes in the world, while making changes in our own lives can seem far more overwhelming.  It takes courage to move from a familiar and known place to one that is different or without reference points, as it means stepping outside of our usual comfort zone.

So what is it that stops us from changing?  What keeps us locked in ourselves, stuck in small-mindedness, thinking our view is the only view that matters?  Invariably, it is the ego, the most talked-about yet least understood of our human features.  The ego gives us a strong sense of ourselves; it is the "me" part.  This is neither good nor bad, except when self-centeredness dominates our thoughts, feelings, and perceptions of life.  A positive sense of self gives us confidence and purpose, but a more negative and selfish aspect of the ego makes us unconcerned with other people's feelings; it thrives on the idea of me-first and impels us to cry out, "What about me?  What about my feelings?"

Next week:  Dancing with the Ego and Embracing Change


Meditation is now enjoying a
renewed surge of popularity,
penetrating the public consciousness
as never before. What might that
mean for us all? Be the Change
examines the transformations wrought
by this ancient practice through the wisdom of extraordinary luminaries, interwoven with text from award-
winning authors Ed and Deb Shapiro.
The words of these spiritual leaders
from all disciplines and walks of life
will surprise, enlighten, and inspire readers to begin their own meditation practice—and perhaps create the foundation for a new and
more hopeful age.

  

Living Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement.  Our articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live life.  Take
from them what you will, and disagree with whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you each week.

   
  

   

A New Kind of Resolution

You are not just the size of your bank account, the neighborhood you live in, or the type of work that you do.  You are, just like everyone else, an almost inconceivably complicated mix of abilities and limitations.

A new kind of New Year’s resolution is becoming increasingly popular.  Instead of dwelling on something they think is wrong with them and resolving to improve, a lot of people are taking a different approach.  They are resolving to accept themselves.  To acknowledge that, faults and all, they are complete people, good people.

Kathleen, a member of a group that spreads the acceptance philosophy, explains that she used to feel like she was in a trap she could not get out of.  She would try to correct herself and change herself, and the failure to change was actually worse than the original problem itself.  She felt like a “maniac” because of the pressures to change and the weight of failure.

Now Kathleen counsels accepting yourself, which does not mean ignoring your faults or never trying to improve.  What it does mean is “believing in your own value first, last, and always.”

From The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People by David Niven.

    
Once upon a time there was a king who ruled a small kingdom.  It wasn't great, and it wasn't really known for any of its resources or people.  But the king did have a diamond, a great perfect diamond that had been in his family for generations.  He kept it on display for all to see and appreciate.  People came from all over the country to admire it and gaze at it.

Then one day a soldier came to the king with the news that, although no one had touched the diamond, for it was guarded day and night, the diamond was cracked.  The king ran to see, and sure enough there was a crack right through the middle of the diamond.

Immediately he summoned all of the jewelers of the land and had them look
at the diamond.  One after another they examined the diamond and gave the
bad news to the king:  the diamond was useless; it was irredeemably flawed.
The king was crushed, so were the people.  Somehow they felt they
had lost everything.

Then out of nowhere came an old man who claimed to be a jeweler.  He asked
to see the diamond.  After examining it, he looked up and confidently told
the king, "I can fix it.  In fact, I can make it better than it was before."
The king was shocked and a bit leery.  The old man said, "Give me the jewel,
and in a week I'll bring it back fixed."  Now the king was not about to let the
stone out of his sight, even if it was ruined, so he gave the old man a room,
all the tools and food and drink he needed, and he waited.  It was a long week.

At the end of the week the old man appeared with the stone in his hand and
gave it to the king.  The king couldn't believe his eyes.  It was magnificent.
The old man had fixed it, and he had made it better than it was before!  He
had used the crack that ran through the middle of the stone as a stem and
carved an intricate, full-blown rose, leaves, and thorns into the diamond.
It was exquisite.

The king was overjoyed and offered the old man half his kingdom.  He
had taken something beautiful and perfect and improved upon it!  But the
old man refused in front of everyone, saying, "I didn't do that at all.
What I did was take something flawed and cracked at its heart and
turn it into something beautiful."

Megan McKenna

  
    
You're Making a Lasting Impression
Jeff Keller

One of the earliest memories I have of my father is from one of the family vacations we took together.  I was about seven years old at the time, and we were driving somewhere in the southern United States.  My brother and I were in the back of the car, with my mom and dad in the front.  It was mid-afternoon on a hot summer day when my dad saw an ice cream truck and pulled over.

As my father got out of the car, he saw a group of five young boys sitting on the curb near the truck.  Four of the five boys were eating ice cream.  I watched as my dad went over to the boy without the ice cream and said to him, "Would you like some ice cream? I'll buy one for you."  The boy politely told my father that he didn't want any.  Sure, it was a nice gesture on the part of my dad.  But it wasn't a big deal, right?  Well. . . actually, it was.

My father's act of kindness toward a complete stranger was imprinted on my mind that day.  And I believe that my own conduct has been significantly shaped by that event.  My dad made a lasting impression on me in another way as well.  You see, social or economic status meant very little to my father.

He didn't gravitate to those with fancy titles.  He seemed just as interested in speaking to waiters and the people who swept the floors.  He respected everyone and looked down on nobody.  And again, my dad's conduct helped to influence the way that I deal with people to this day.

Here are a few things to consider if you want to make a lasting impression and be a positive influence on others:

1. Recognize the paradox.  We don't usually make a lasting impression when we're trying to do so.  Rather, it happens when we're just living our lives and doing what may seem like ordinary, everyday things.  Sure, there are some who make an enduring impact through great achievement or by being a celebrity.  But lasting impressions are not reserved for famous people like Oprah Winfrey or Michael Jordan.

They're available to you and me - every day, every moment.  As I look back, I can't remember a time when my dad sat down with me and said, "Here's how you should treat people."  I simply observed how he lived his life.  So, too, people are watching your life, whether you realize it or not.  This is true in all the life roles you play - be it parent, child, employee, business owner, etc.

2. Live each moment consciously.  While we can't plan those encounters or situations that will create lasting impressions, we can be more aware of our behavior and the potential influence it may have.  Too often, we live our lives on "automatic pilot," that is, we do things out of habit without realizing the effect our actions might have on others.  In many of these instances, our behavior does not match what we declare to be our values.  For instance, you may think that you are "open-minded" and then catch yourself being intolerant of someone with different viewpoints.

Starting today, right now, realize that every interaction you have is precious.  As author Dan Millman often says, "there are no ordinary moments."  With this in mind, you can consciously choose, for example, to be honest, kind and to give your best efforts at all times.

So, the next time you're about to do something, ask yourself:  What action would I take right now if I knew my behavior would have a lasting effect on someone?  This isn't about being perfect.  There will always be times when we behave in ways that we're not proud of.  Yet, as you realize the impact of your day-to-day conduct, you'll find yourself making different choices.

3. Appreciate the ripple effect.  It's hard to fathom the consequences of the lasting impressions we make.  When my father asked that young boy whether he wanted some ice cream, he was affecting me--as well as everyone who would eventually come into contact with me--forever!  Isn't that incredible?

Yet, it's not an exaggeration.  My dad's act helped to shape my character, which in turn affects the way that I have dealt with people in the 40 years since that event.  Furthermore, the people who I have met may have been affected and have passed along those values to others they have met.  It's an endless cycle.  Thus, there are no small acts in this world.  One simple act can truly change the course of humanity.

In the end, you're going to make many lasting impressions, whether you want to or not. It's up to you whether the messages you send are positive or negative.  As you go through your day today, give a little extra consideration to how you speak and how you act.  You just may be making an impression that will endure for generations.

© Jeff Keller.  Jeff is the President of Attitude is Everything, Inc.  For more than 15 years, Jeff has delivered presentations on attitude and motivation to businesses, groups and trade associations throughout the United States and abroad.  Jeff is also the author of the highly acclaimed book, Attitude is Everything. For more information, go to http://www.attitudeiseverything.com

  
  

  
Kindness Spoken Here
Gail Pursell Elliott

"Here, at whatever hour you come,
you will find light, help, and human kindness."
Albert Schweitzer

The above quote is reported to have been on a sign above Dr. Schweitzer’s medical clinic. What a simple, welcoming phrase that speaks volumes in its intent.

Think about that phrase for a moment and imagine what it would be like if you saw that sign above any place of business, at the entrance to any office, at the entryway of any home, in the vestibule of any church that you happened to visit.

Suppose that phrase was on the welcome sign of your community. Suppose it was over the door of your local school.

Suppose this was included in the mission statement of your company, the philosophy of your customer service department, the expectation of how employees were to interact with one another.

The phrase speaks of light and we might envision a physical light that is always burning. There is another light of course that burns within each of us. Dr. Schweitzer referred to that internal light as being fueled with our values and beliefs. Writer Ayn Rand is quoted as saying, "Do not let your fire go out." I speak of personal dignity and self respect extended in dignity and respect to others as being a "beacon of light."

Often places of business and other public locations offer signs that offer bilingual or multilingual services. People who are bilingual frequently dream in both languages. They have been internalized and come easily.

There is a universal language that can be spoken by everyone. That language is kindness. Suppose in addition to the bilingual or multilingual announcement, there was also a sign that read, "Kindness Spoken Here." For some kindness is a native language. For others it is a second language. Regardless, any of us can become fluent in this language at any age.

The dictionary defines kindness as the state or quality of being kind. In other words, kindness is not only an action, it is a state of being. The following are some definitions or qualities of that state of being.

A deep seated characteristic shown habitually by considerate behavior
Of a good or benevolent nature or disposition.
Having, showing, or proceeding from benevolence.
Indulgent, considerate, or helpful
Mild
Gentle
Humane
Compassionate
Gracious
A sympathetic attitude toward others

Kindness can be internalized and come easily when, with practice, it becomes part of our state of being.

Kindness is something that we must own and extend to ourselves, before we are able to extend it to others. When we do this, we do not determine whether someone deserves our kindness anymore than we determine whether someone deserves to be spoken to in their own language. It is simply something we do because it has become our nature to be kind.

Like so many other qualities of being, it takes insight, awareness, paying attention, and not taking things personally. Focusing outward with our values, rather than being caught up in the tempest of situations, keeping our personal power intact.


©2004 Gail Pursell Elliott All rights reserved.  "The Dignity and Respect Lady"
Innovations "Training With a Can-Do Attitude"TM
PO Box 552, Roland, IA 50236;  515-388-9600
gail@innovations-training.com;   www.innovations-training.com

   

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A friend's son was in the first grade of school, and his teacher asked
the class, "What is the color of apples?"  Most of the children
answered red.  A few said green.  Kevin, my friend's son, raised
his hand and said white.  The teacher tried to explain that apples could
be red, green, or sometimes golden, but never white.  Kevin was
quite insistent and finally said, "Look inside."

Perception without mindfulness keeps us on the surface
of things, and we often miss other levels of reality.

Joseph Goldstein

 please take very good care of yourself this week. . . .

  

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