|
2
November 2010 |
|
|
| |
| At
times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a
spark from another person. Each of us has
cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have
lighted the flame within us.
Albert
Schweitzer
|
As
we express our gratitude, we must never forget that
the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but
to live by them.
John
F. Kennedy |
Besides
the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble
art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life
consists in the elimination of non-essentials.
Lin
Yutang |
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
Separation
and Interconnectedness
Christina Feldman
Compassion is essentially simple. We share with all
life the capacity for feeling, the experience of having a
body, mind, and heart in continual interface with
countless other bodies, minds, and hearts. Our
capacity to feel deeply means we share with all life the
possibility of experiencing delight, joy, trust, and
intimacy, just as we share in the capacity to experience
pain, sorrow, grief, and fear. Living within a
physical body, we all share the experience of aging,
frailty, illness, and death, just as we share the precious
times of strength, health, safety, and vitality.
Through our minds we share the capacity to experience
confusion, agitation, and complexity, just as we share the
possibilities of serenity, clarity, and balance. An
understanding of this profound interconnectedness of all
life is at the root of the compassionate heart dedicated
to alleviating suffering without reservation or exception.
What happens when we lose touch with our capacity for
compassion? In the loss of compassion, a gulf of
separation emerges, an apparently unbridgeable gap between
"self" and "other," "I" and
"you," "us" and
"them." This is not an empty divide--the
gulf of separation holds an ocean of feeling. In the
loss of compassion this gulf fills with feelings of anger,
blame, fear, hatred, and resentment; painful feelings that
serve to widen and solidify the division.
|
|
In the loss of our
heartfelt capacity to receive and embrace sorrow and distress, we
lose one of the most precious and liberating gifts it is possible
for us to know. We lose our understanding of
interconnectedness and in doing so we lose the most true,
authentic core of our being. Cast adrift from an
understanding of interconnectedness, we become captives of the
complexity of fear, anger, blame, and isolation. This is the
greatest of all suffering.
We can find ourselves feasting on a daily diet of isolation and
separation. Take a moment to reflect on a person from your
past or present whom you struggle with, who may have harmed or
hurt you with words of rejection, with abuse or blame, and notice
the feelings and responses that emerge. Perhaps you can
sense a slight hardening of the heart, feelings of resistance or
tension, or a flood of memories, past conversations, and
events. Connecting with that person even from a distance may
open the door to such powerful feelings of agitation, fear, or
anger that we instinctively flee from them into fantasies or
daydreams.
We are strangely close to the people in our lives we struggle
with, fear, or resent, just as we are close to the difficult
places in our own hearts and minds--our tendencies towards
self-abasement, greed, or feelings of inadequacy. These
difficult places and relationships occupy a pivotal role in our
lives and hearts. We think about them endlessly; we obsess
far more about the difficult people in our lives, analyzing their
imperfections, replaying the historical and familiar story of
resentment, than we think about the people we love and
enjoy. Endless time is spent dwelling upon, judging, and
analyzing our own imperfections, the many ways in which we
disappoint ourselves. How much time do we give to
appreciating and celebrating our own tenderness, generosity, and
sensitivity? Tremendous energy is consumed in planning our
strategies of avoidance, modifying or eliminating the
relationships we struggle with, endeavoring to perfect ourselves
by rejecting everything we deem imperfect. In all of these
endeavors we tend the garden of separation and sorrow. Who
are the real enemies in our lives? Mostly they are the
people who we are no longer willing to listen to and the places in
ourselves we deny.
The difficult people in our lives, the difficult places in
ourselves, appear to hold so much power, but it is a power we have
given to them. As we become captivated by the complexity of
resentment, anxiety, and judgment, we delegate the authority to
define our well-being, happiness, and freedom to the difficult
person or part of ourselves. We also believe that once we
have removed the difficult person from our lives or once we have
improved or perfected ourselves we will be happy, compassionate,
and free, not understanding the futility of this quest. Ram
Dass once put it, "I'd rather be happy, than
right." We could ask ourselves, "Would we rather
flounder in the waves of resentment or find the compassion to
forgive and move on in our lives? Would we rather pursue the
desperate dream of perfection or find the wisdom and compassion of
acceptance and understanding?
|
|
Moments
of peace and stillness
give us a glimpse of how extraordinary our lives could
be. Yet this sense of meaning
and wonder is so easy to lose
sight of in the hectic pace of
modern living. In The Buddhist
Path to Simplicity, Christina
Feldman, an internationally
renowned Buddhist teacher,
shows you how to find harmony
and balance by applying
ancient Buddhist wisdom
to the here and now. |
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
The
Lighter Side of Stress
Jo-Anne Cutler
We feel it, we say it, we live it, we affirm it and
we teach it. . . life is stressful, right?
We’re so busy running on life’s treadmill,
worried about our kids, work, finances, world
issues, our health and relationships. Rushing in the
morning to work to meetings and more meetings to
home, tag-teaming or single handedly carting our
kids off to lessons, arenas and rehearsals, barely
catching our breath, living forever under the loud
tick-tock of not enough time. . . . Hurry Hurry. . .
we’re
going to be late! being an all too familiar phrase
that comes out of our mouths, and then, back home
for the routine of homework, showers, and lunches and we
flop into bed still wearing our stress suit which
makes it easier to get going in the morning because
we won’t have to change! Wait a minute, did we
eat?
Ahhh. . . the stressed-out life!
Oh, and just a friendly reminder, we have the
holiday seasons coming up soon, which some say are
the most stressful times of the year. . . ready to
scream yet? Well that’s probably not a bad idea,
quite healthy in fact, as long as it isn’t at
someone!
I’m giggling as I enjoy the funny, playful side of
myself today, despite the dreary dark weather that
is happening outside my window as I write. I
remember when my days were just like this and the
stress I created accompanying my frustrations.
I
finally realized that I only had control over my
behaviours and reactions to others and circumstances
in my life, and no matter how mad I got, how hard I
blamed, criticized, judged or tried to motivate it,
I could not “make” the sun come out on a dark
rainy day!
As a recovering control freak, I can now admit that
it was hard to accept, let alone fathom, that the
only thing in my life that I was in complete control
over was me. I was so busy trying to “make” everyone and
everything outside of me, behave, do and be exactly
the way I wanted or thought they should be in order
for me to be happy or to feel good. I didn’t see
how out of control I was with the very thing that I
had complete control over!
Okay, are you with me so far? Some of you may be
laughing as you have identified your control freak
tendencies already and those of you who may still be
in the closet, denial or aren’t sure where you
stand on the control scale, if you’re ready to
hear it, just ask someone.
I now humbly admit as a parent, by trying to
“make” my children do anything I not only
created my own stress, but also robbed them of
finding the way to take responsibility for
themselves. . . an issue that many parents and teachers
share with me that they struggle with.
I can laugh now, although it wasn’t funny then, as
I conjure up the image of me on one side of the
bathroom door and my son on the other during one of
our shower power struggles. . . or the battle on the
homework front and the cycle of rewards and
punishments for expected grades to make me
proud. . . or when my disappointment in my kids was
evidenced by a condition that I didn’t realize I
suffered from called IROTES (Involuntary Rolling Of
The Eyes Syndrome).
I realized that the angrier and louder I got, the
less they listened and heard. . . the more I nagged,
the deeper they dug in their heels and I finally got
that I couldn’t flip the “take responsibility”
switch to the on position--that was their job.
So
as hard as it was, I let go. . . let go of control!
If your treadmill and stress level is anything
like mine was and you would like some relief, here
are just few tips. Let go of the things you can’t
control and control the things you can (you!).
Have
a good laugh at and with yourself as you notice the
urge to comment to your daughter, “You’re not
wearing that, are you?” or insist that your son
get his hair cut because you don’t like it or are
worried about what others may think, maybe find
yourself slipping into the sergeant major role of
barking orders; catch yourself before you say,
“Because I said so!” or get frustrated having to
wake your kids up after their alarm goes off. I’ll let you in on a little secret:
they don’t
have to get up because they know you’ll come in
and wake them, but once they know you won’t, guess
what? They get up on their own! This letting go
stuff is amazing!
We have many areas in our life where we create our
own stress, and even if you don’t have kids, I hope
you join me on the recovering control freak side of
life--it’s a lot more fun and a lot less
stressful for you and others in your life. You
may even have the chance to feel the benefits on the
way home from work tonight as you sit in your car
laughing at the traffic jam that you used to think
you could control!
Ahhh. . . the lighter side of stress!
Jo-Anne Cutler is committed to making a difference
in the world as an awareness coach, author and
speaker, giving a voice to millions of children who
are in need. She discovered that, as a mother and
role model, she had continued cycles of unhealthy
behaviours that she was unknowingly teaching her own
children. However, once she became aware of how her
words and reactions impacted them and others in her
life, she made a conscious choice to change.
Awareness is the key to any change and Jo-Anne’s
passion for helping children find their voice and
for it to be heard ignited her vision: to empower
and inspire you to be the parent, teacher and role
model the children of this world need you to be. For
more information please visit www.jcconnections.ca
|
|
| |
| The
circumstances amid which you live determine your
reputation; the truth you believe determines your
character.
Reputation
is what you are supposed to be; character is what
you are.
Reputation
is the photograph; character is the face.
Reputation
comes over one from without; character grows up from
within.
Reputation
is what you have when you come to a new community;
character is what you have when you go away.
Your
reputation is learned in an hour; your character
does not come to light for a year.
Reputation
is made in a moment; character is built in a
lifetime.
Reputation
grows like a mushroom; character grows like the oak.
A
single newspaper report gives you your reputation; a
life of toil gives you your character.
Reputation
makes you rich or makes you poor; character makes
you happy or makes you miserable.
Reputation
is what people say about you on your tombstone;
character is what angels say about you before the
throne of God.
William
Hersey Davis |
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week. |
|
| |
|
|
| |
Eyes Wide Open
tom walsh
Uninvited Guests
What would you do if you had uninvited guests in your house? I'm not
talking about friends who drop by unexpectedly, or about someone you know who's
having hard times and who needed a hand. I'm talking about guests who are
there in your house whom you don't want in your house--guests that you wouldn't
invite into your home for any reason whatsoever. But there they are.
Wouldn't you get rid of them? After all, it is your home, and you want to
keep it in the shape that you want it to be in. You want to have control
over the people who make their way into your home, and who stay there. So
if someone is rude and insulting, if they damage your furniture or decorations,
if they make your life miserable there in your own home, wouldn't you get rid of
them, get them out of your home? It's only logical that we do so.
Why is it, then, that we allow something like unwelcome thoughts to take up
residence in our heads? How can it be that we allow negative thoughts
about ourselves, thoughts that are damaging and unpleasant, to live on in our
heads, never doing anything to get them out of our minds? If we were to
see our minds and thoughts as homes, how long would we put up with abusive
guests? Or even more importantly, why would we allow the negative
influences to hang around longer than the positive ones?
I'm thinking about this because
I just had a talk with a friend who told me that she always thinks that the
worst is going to happen. She says that she can't help it, that the
thoughts just come into her mind and stay there. As we talked, we both
started to think about just how one would go about getting rid of such thoughts,
and what we can do to evict them from the premises of our minds. The most
important things we can do, of course, is to recognize those thoughts for what
they are--just thoughts, and not reality. Then we have to redirect our
thoughts, finding something else to focus on so that our minds can be occupied
with more positive things. It takes effort, just like everything else in
life--real mental effort that may be difficult to direct in the appropriate
directions.
Our minds are ours, yet we far
too often give them over to invaders, to uninvited guests who tend to make us
miserable. Until we recognize those guests, though, and do something about
their presence, we put ourselves at their mercy. Yet when we free
ourselves from their influence, we find that our lives become brighter and more
enjoyable, all because of a decision we've made to keep our minds clear of
unwanted thoughts and worries.
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
Free
Wallpaper! Just click below on
the size your desktop is formatted to,
right-click on the picture that appears
in the new window, and choose
"Set as background."
800
x 600 - 1024
x 768 |
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
