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Tune In (an excerpt)
Brenda Anderson

Five Ways to Be More Encouraging
Kevin Eikenberry

My Contribution
tom walsh

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The true joy of humankind is in doing that which is most proper to our nature; and the first property of people is to be kindly affected towards them that are of one kind with ourselves.

Marcus Aurelius

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles--by the ear, by the heels,
or any other way you can
manage it.  It's the healthiest
thing a body can do.

Mark Twain

Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and
the angels know of us.

Thomas Paine

If you would be interesting, be interested; if you would be pleased, be pleasing; if you would be loved, be lovable; if you would be helped, be helpful.

anonymous

Have you ever been run over on the information superhighway?  Do you go around in a techno trance, alternating among your cell phone, Blackberry, and computer as you dash to your next appointment?  Have you forgotten how to focus on the human being in front of you?

Most problems today stem from living in a state of disconnection, and most disconnection is caused by people feeling so rushed that they don't pay attention.  Or maybe they're so invested in their agenda, they can't take in another perspective without skewing it.  When you Tune In, you stop and get present. . . . you optimize all your senses, including your sixth sense.  You miss all these valuable insights when your mind is in the past or future.

When you Tune In, you become more open--not guarded, not protective, not on the attack, not trying to figure out what to do next.  This requires a great deal of concentration, particularly when you bounce from one activity to the next.  You start noticing how your boss interacts with others and what works best.  You get a sense of your child's state of mind before she even says a word.  You instinctively say the right thing to your friends.  When you Tune In, you interact better with everyone in your life because you understand what matters to them.

Nearly everyone has heard that we tap into only ten percent of our brain power.  Tuning In, however, enables you to override physical limitations and emotional obstacles and tap into the other 90 percent.  It also reduces stress.  You access new possibilities when you don't have any agenda other than being present to what's happening in the moment.  This enables you to connect with others in an intangible, but nevertheless very real, level. . . .

People feel it when you're completely and unequivocally focused on them.

Tuning In is a high-energy choice that aids communication and breaks down barriers, moving you out of the mundane, monotonous details and bringing you to a place where big things can happen easily and quickly.

When we don't Tune In, we're living in an altered reality that can feed misunderstandings and misconceptions.  We all have a warped, one-sided view of life.  We spend so much of our life not Tuning In because we're always thinking about the next thing, solving the next problem, anticipating what will happen, or reliving and rehashing the past.  We're daydreaming about the vacation we just took and how much fun it was.  While on vacation we're thinking how much we dread going back to work.  We're thinking about what our child should do next, even as she is trying to get our attention right now.  It takes conscious effort to Tune In.  It doesn't feel natural because we spend so much of our time mentally and physically orbiting from place to place.

We drift away so easily for two reasons.  First, we're trained from a young age to multitask, and that can be useful--if we're giving our full focus to each item that comes across our perceptual screen.  Second, our society is oriented around sound bites.  Advertisers count on short attention spans.  You and I are not wired to get present and focus.  Think about when you're in a new relationship or have just met someone.  You don't always Tune In because you're thinking about how you're coming across and wondering if you sound stupid.  You think you're enhancing the connection, but all you're doing is disengaging and disconnecting.  When you check out, you miss in-the-moment opportunities.
   

We all need encouragement.  Even the most callous, hard-headed self- made person needs encouragement to stay on track and move forward. This isn’t news – it is something we all know.

Unfortunately, many times we don’t take action on what we know.

We can change our habits about encouragement – we can choose to become a more encouraging person.  This will have a positive impact on our results and satisfaction in a variety of roles we play in life – from leader to co-worker to team member to parent to family member.

Below are five specific ways that you can become more encouraging starting as soon as you finish reading this article.

Encourage with your eyes.  Don’t underestimate the importance and value of solid eye contact.  Think about the people you know who always seem to make good eye contact with you.  How do you feel about them?  Do you feel that they support and believe in you?  Do they seem to care more?  This is a glimpse at how powerful good solid eye contact can be.  Perhaps these people haven’t said anything to give you encouragement, but their presence and eye contact show you anyway.  Use your eyes to be encouraging – make eye contact with people.

Encourage with your face.  This is perhaps the easiest of all.  Smile.  A smile is a powerful encourager.  It tells people that they are okay.  It tells people that what they are doing is okay.  For some people smiling comes naturally, while others need to be more conscious of smiling.  You know which you are.  Either way, there are probably more opportunities and more situations where you can flash your pearly whites.  Smile.  You will be encouraging when you do and you will feel better yourself.

Encourage with your lips.  Of course we can say encouraging things.  In fact, when you started reading this list, I’ll bet you expected the whole list to be things to say or situations in which to say them.  We all know how to be encouraging with our words.  So do it.  Be supportive.  Give people specific comments and encouragement on who they are and what they are doing.  Let them know that they matter.  Let them know how their work adds value.  Encourage with your lips.

Encourage with your feet.  Encouragement can come in the form of being there.  Sit in on the meeting someone asks you to attend, even if you know they can handle it.  Go to the ball game.  Your presence and attention can be powerful encouragers and motivators.  Be aware that your actions in themselves can be encouraging, so act accordingly.  First you must be there, and then you must behave in encouraging ways.

Encourage with your head.  If all you see is what people are doing wrong, it is hard to be encouraging.  The biggest barrier some of us have to overcome to become more encouraging is in our head – we aren’t looking for and therefore seeing the right things.  We must focus on and look for the positive things.  Look for the good.  Then use your feet, lips, face and eyes to communicate those encouraging messages.

Okay, it's your turn.

Get up from your chair now.  Pick one of these approaches and practice it right now.

Write these five things down on an index card and carry it with you for the next three weeks.  Refer to the card often as a reminder to continue to use these approaches to becoming more encouraging.

You will be amazed at the new results you will see in those around you and in your own life as well.  You can do it – you can make this choice.

Kevin is Chief Potential Officer of The Kevin Eikenberry Group (http://KevinEikenberry.com), a learning consulting company that helps clients reach their potential through a variety of training, consulting and speaking services. To receive your free special report on “Unleashing Your Potential” go to http://www.kevineikenberry.com/uypw/index.asp or call us at (317) 387-1424 or 888.LEARNER.

Living Life Fully, the e-zine
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The entire room became luminous and so alive with movement that everything seemed suspended--yet pulsating--for an instant, like light waves.  Intense joy swelled inside me, and my immediate response was gratitude--gratitude for everything, every tiny thing in that space.  The shelter of the room became a warm embrace; water flowing from the tap seemed a tremendous miracle; and my children became, for a moment, not my progeny or my charges or my tasks, but eternal beings of infinite singularity and complexity whom I would one day, in an age to come, apprehend in their splendid fullness.

Holly Bridges Elliott

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My Contribution

What will I give to the world today?  What will I add to the experiences of the people with whom I have contact on this day?  I can't say for sure just whom I'll deal with today, but I can decide right now whether I want my contribution to this day to be positive or negative, helpful or hurtful, constructive or destructive, uplifting or not.

Today, I want to contribute pleasantness whenever I meet someone, whether I know them or not.  I don't have to wear a pasted-on smile in order to be pleasant, but I do have to avoid sarcasm or judgment.  When people receive my pleasantness, it may be the first pleasantness of their day, so I'll try to be very pleasant. 

I'd also like to contribute kindness to this new day.  This means that I must use words that are kind and act in a kindly way, avoiding looks and actions and words that simply are not kind.  Perhaps someone will appreciate this kindness and pass it on to someone else.

I'd also like to contribute encouragement.  I'll have plenty of opportunities to do so.  And if I am encouraging, it may just happen that someone else finds the strength and courage to continue something very important to them.

I'll try my best to contribute praise and avoid criticism.  If the praise is sincere, I may just be able to make someone else feel better about him or herself.

I want to contribute peacefulness.   If I can face all of my duties and problems with a quiet confidence, looking calmly for solutions rather than complaining about the way things are, I can act as a role model for peacefulness.  In this way at least I won't be adding to the stressful input of those people who are around me.

It would be nice if I could also contribute some hope to this day, for someone, somewhere.  It could be in the form of letting them know that I've been through what they have, and things worked out okay, or in the form of helping them to see the strengths they have that will help them to do what they need to do.  Either way, the hope they get can be very valuable for them.

I'd also like to contribute courtesy.  I can let someone else have a parking space, I can hold doors open, I can let someone cut in line, or I can simply say "Excuse me" when I walk in front of someone.

There are some things that I want to avoid trying to contribute.  I don't want to try to give someone else my way of doing things and expect them to do things that way.  I really don't need to share my opinions as often as I tend to, except when asked.  I really want to avoid sharing criticism and judgment, and I don't want to issue ultimatums to get people to do things I want them to do.  I don't need to express my anger or frustration all the time, and it probably would be helpful if I refrained from contributing what I know about other people--gossip never helps anyone.

There's a whole day ahead of me, today, tomorrow, and the next day.  What I contribute to each of these days is, in short, my contribution to the world.  So what am I going to do?  Shall I contribute to the positive energy of the world, or to the negative?  The choice always is mine.

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Walk a Mile in My Shoes
Joe South

If I could be you and you could be me for just one hour
If we could find a way to get inside each other's mind
If you could see you through my eyes instead of your ego
I believe you'd be surprised to see that you'd been blind

Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes
Yeah, before you abuse, criticize and accuse
Walk a mile in my shoes

Well, your whole world you see around you is just a reflection
And the law of karma says you're gonna reap just what you sow
So unless you've lived a life of total perfection
You'd better be careful of every stone that you should throw

Yet we spend the day throwin' stones at one another
'Cause I don't think or wear my hair same way you do
Well, I may be common people but I'm your brother
And when you strike out and try to hurt me it's a 'hurtin you,

Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes
Yeah, before you abuse, criticize and accuse
Walk a mile in my shoes

There are people on reservations and out in the ghettos
And brother, there, but for the grace of God, go you and I
If I only had the wings of little angels don't you know I'd fly
To the top of the mountain and then I'd cry?

Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes
Hey, before you abuse, criticize and accuse
Better walk a mile in my shoes

Alone in his car heading west, it's easy for Jason to feel sorry for himself and mad at the world.  But then he gives a ride to Hector and learns life isn't as negative as we sometimes see it.  The friendship between this young man and his 70-year-old passenger is an inspiring story of love and of dealing with obstacles in life.  It's a story that you'll treasure long after you've finished reading.

Three Cavaliers, Tom Walsh's second published novel, is now available in book form!  Click on the image to the left to order!