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Welcome
to another new week in our lives!
Thanks for sharing this time with us!
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January
12, 2010 |
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Our
minds can shape the
way a
thing will be because we act
according
to our expectations.
Federico
Fellini
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Of
all the things
you wear,
your expression
is the most important.
Janet Lane
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If
I were to begin life again, I should
want it as it was. I would only
open my eyes a little more.
Jules
Renard
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The
world reflects what
you need to see,
not only
what you want to see.
Stephen C.
Paul
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Letting
Go of "Spiritual" Specialness
Hugh Prather
Within the
eternal changeless nature of Truth, we are not our busy, fractured
minds. Yet it is crucial to acknowledge that we believe we are
indeed fractured. Every day we accept our ego thoughts and
feelings as our only thoughts and feelings.
Even though
our ego represents the conflicted voices and lessons we stockpiled
during our formative years, we react to them as our essence, our
individuality, how we "feel" about things. If we are
honest, we will admit that this part of us is our primary teacher
and guide. We are not on a spiritual path; we are on an ego
path.
Obviously, we
can have the concept that we are not our ego (our inner
demons, shadow self, mortal self, dreaming mind, busy mind), but in
a thousand ways each day, we demonstrate that we live through and
for our worldly identity.
You and I do
not believe we are "children of God." We may
give lip service to that concept, but we believe we are autonomous,
a creation of ourselves. We think we are pretty much whatever
we decide to be and not the creation, the extension, the "image
and likeness" of God. This belief is not
"nothing." It creates almost everything we
experience. It is the source of our fear, misery, and
loneliness. It locks us in a tale that begins with hope and
excitement, but ends in disillusionment and destruction. It
doesn't matter if this tale is not the truth of God, because you and
I experience it as if it were.
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When we are
in a restaurant, we look over the menu and select a dish. We
don't think, "Oh, this preference for linguini is coming from
my ego and is not my preference." We order the
linguini. Without any real second thought, we accept almost
every reaction we have to the circumstances and people we encounter
each day--even though only our ego has a range of emotional
responses to aspects of separation. Surely no one would argue
that God likes fried okra over lima beans. No one would say
that the governing Principle of the universe hates "call
waiting." Or suggest that the Host of Heaven "buy
American."
From the
array of emotions within them, individuals on a spiritual path often
single out just a few feelings and call them "ego."
For instance, we can "love" getting a promotion and feel
euphoric for a day or two, yet not have an instant's concern that
these are ego reactions. But if we feel jealousy about someone
else getting the promotion and we are depressed for a day or two, we
say, "These emotions are my ego." Or if it dawns on
us that we dislike the French, or yuppies, or our brother-in-law, we
think, "That's just ego."
From thirty
years of counseling individuals on a spiritual path, I know that
when most people say, "That's just ego," or, "That's
my inner parent," or, "That's the devil," or,
"That's just the alcohol talking," what they really mean
is, it is not me. And, of course, from the standpoint
of absolute Truth, it isn't. Yet notice that it is them when
it comes to the pinions they hold about politics, religion,
parenting, or whether they are "good in bed."
In fact, we
tend to be proud of most of our patterns of separation:
"I'm a morning person," "I run a tight ship,"
"I believe in speaking my mind," "I don't tolerate
fools," "I'm a spontaneous kind of guy," "When I
pay this much, I expect good service."
I can't
emphasize too strongly that we run the risk of underestimating the
power of our beliefs when we notice a destructive line of thought
but say to ourselves, "Oh, that's just ego." Our
beliefs are so powerful that they color our entire world. We
literally see what we believe, but we can--and most of us do--fail
to take responsibility for what we see, especially what we see
within. Provided it's not acted out, consciously blaming
others for how we feel is a fairly obvious and innocuous mistake
compared to the mistake of attributing our feelings to the ego or
the devil. . . .
Attributing
our harmful tendencies to something that is "not us"
tempts us to stop taking the steps needed to render them
powerless. Once any destructive thought is made fully
conscious, we still recognize it whenever it surfaces, but it no
longer scares, shocks, or controls us. As a safety precaution,
I counsel people to think, "I hate women," "I disdain
men," "I feel superior to my best friend," "I
can't stand three-wheelers," "I resent mansions,"
rather than, "My ego is feeling hateful (disdainful, superior,
resentful, and the like)." We purify ourselves by
acknowledging how we are now and becoming more aware of it now.
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Bestselling
author Hugh Prather has a knack for putting his finger on
the pulse of America's emotional and spiritual angst. In The
Little Book of Letting Go he gives voice to the internal
chatter that prevents us from enjoying or pursuing our true
desires. "Within our human heart we all feel the call
to be simple, to be present, to be real," Prather
writes. "Yet throughout the day, the world urges us to
be at war with ourselves and each other: 'Be resentful about
the past.' 'Be anxious about the future.' 'Be dissatisfied
with what you do see.' 'Be guilty.' 'Be important.' 'Be
bored.'" Prather compares these thoughts to the stale
clutter in the back of our refrigerators. By cleaning out
our minds, we allow room for fresher and more nourishing
foods for thought. |
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Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week. |
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Dancing
with the Ego
Ed and Deb Shapiro
Last
week: We explored the concept that "We are not
who we think we are," with a focus on our ability to
change when we need to do so.
By watching
how we equate ourselves with images of who we think we are,
or with labels that reinforce that image and make us appear
special--"I am American, Russian, Christian, Muslim; I
am a teacher, doctor, divorcee, recovering
alcoholic"--so the many manifestations of the ego
appear before us. In the search for meaning, we hide
behind our title, profession, or religion and become
attached to the story the label creates, even introducing
ourselves in terms of labels or only relating to others who
identify themselves in the same way. Seeing through
these illusions and being willing to give up our story is no
small step. "There is such pressure to keep each
of my identities, each of my labels intact," writes
Joan Tollifson in Bare-Bones Meditation: Waking Up
from the Story of My Life. "Why do I feel as
if no one really knows me until they know my story?
Tremendous fear arises at the thought of losing my labels,
and at the same time there is immense peace in living
without them."
The nature
of the ego is to stay in control, and so it does all it can
to keep us in the realm of me-ness. It is a remarkably
good shape-shifter and can take any number of disguises or
appear in many varied forms, but its main job is to keep us
distracted. For instance, it can make us believe we
are the cleverest, the best informed and most important, as
easily as it can make us feel unworthy, unlovable, not
clever or good enough to be happy. And it is this
sense of self that is the root cause of so much distress,
both in our own lives and in the world, as in its name wars
are fought, families split, and friends forgotten.
Self-centeredness
and selfishness, which are hallmarks of the ego, affect not
only our own lives and relationships but also influence the
way we behave in the world. There is no limit to the
damage a strong ego can do, from the arrogant conviction
that its own opinions are the only right ones and everyone
should be made to believe in them, to wielding and abusing
power at the expense of other people's lives or liberties.
The ego
also makes us believe that we are the dust on the mirror,
that we could never be so beautiful as the radiant
reflection beneath the surface. Yet how extraordinary
to believe that we cannot be free when freedom is our true
nature! When we begin to see that such
self-centeredness does not lead to happiness and we year for
something more genuine, when we realize that the pit of
meaninglessness and emptiness inside is never really
satiated no matter how much we feed it, or when we have just
had enough of chaos and suffering, then the longing for
change arises.
Hypothetically,
all we need to do is to let go of the focus on
"me," which is our sense of separateness, our need
for distinction, the grasping and clinging to our
story. Then we can retire the ego. But this is
far easier said than done. In India, the ego is
represented by a coconut as this is the hardest nut to
crack. Traditionally, the coconut is offered to the
guru or teacher as a sign of the student's willingness to
surrender his or her ego and to let go of
self-obsession. Such a symbolic gesture shows that the
ego is considered to be a great obstacle on the spiritual
path and an even greater impediment to developing true
kindness and compassion.
Embracing
Change
Mahatma
Gandhi famously said, "You must be the change you want
to see in the world." In other words, change has
to start within ourselves; we cannot expect the world to
change if we do not. If we want to have more love in
our lives, we must become more loving; if we genuinely want
to end terrorism and to bring real and peaceful change to
the world, then we must start by ending the war within
ourselves.
Emerging
from three years in the Auschwitz concentration camp,
psychiatrist Viktor Frankl said that after his imprisonment
and the destruction of his family, he had been left with
only "the last of human freedoms, to choose one's
attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's
own way." That is the choice that each of us
has--a choice in how we live our lives, how we care for each
other, and how we treat our planet. When we open to
transformation within ourselves, so society also
transforms--every change that each individual makes creates
a chain reaction that is beneficial to all. Then,
instead of focusing on the problems, we can start to live
with the solutions.
This brings
us to the importance of contemplation and meditation.
Without such a practice of self-reflection, we are subject
to the ego's every whim and have no way of putting a brake
on its demands. Meditation, on the other hand, gives
us the space to see ourselves clearly and objectively, a
place from which we can witness our own behavior and reduce
the ego's influence.
Instead of
thinking that we have to somehow eradicate or annihilate the
ego, through the practice of meditation we find that the
more positive aspects are enhanced while the more
self-centered aspects begin to fade in importance. As
the need to be constantly engaged in the details of our own
story loses its relevance, so the ego releases its grip and
becomes less demanding. This does not mean that we
become just like a doormat and let people walk all over
us. Rather, we are able to communicate more openly and
honestly, and to love more unconditionally. Where the
ego makes us believe we are immutable and unchangeable, in
truth our true nature is completely free, unboound and
unfettered.
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Meditation
is now enjoying a
renewed surge of popularity,
penetrating the public consciousness
as never before. What might that
mean for us all? Be the Change
examines the transformations
wrought
by this ancient practice
through the wisdom of
extraordinary
luminaries, interwoven with text
from
award-
winning authors Ed and Deb
Shapiro. The words of these spiritual
leaders
from all disciplines and walks
of life
will surprise, enlighten, and
inspire readers
to begin their own
meditation practice—and
perhaps
create the foundation for a new
and
more hopeful age. |
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Eyes
Wide Open
tom walsh
Undivided
Attention
I was
recently looking to buy a new printer, and I went to Office
Max to see what kinds of printers they had to offer. I
had a couple of questions about their wireless capabilities,
so when one of the guys who worked there came over and asked
if I needed help, I said yes and asked him a question.
I was
about halfway through the question when he asked "Which
operating system are you using?"
I was
a bit taken aback that he had interrupted the question
before I had even finished it, and a bit perplexed that he
was asking a question that had nothing to do with my
question. It wasn't until I looked back up at him that
I realized that he was talking on the phone with someone
through the Bluetooth unit perched so prominently on his
ear.
He
had asked me if I needed help, while he was supposedly
"helping" someone else on the phone. It was
ridiculous, and I told him that I was fine and that I'd
figure out my questions on my own. He looked at me a
bit surprised, and asked, "Are you sure?" I
said yes--after all, what good can he do me when he's not
even focused on what he's doing?
I'm
constantly amazed at the number of people I see spending
"quality" time with their kids, only to pull out
the cell phone and have a long and involved conversation
with someone who isn't even there. The poor kid is
relegated to the status of ignored companion, unless they do
something they shouldn't do, when the adult will take two
seconds from the conversation to say "Knock that
off!"
It
makes me wonder if today's little kids will have to become
even more destructive and anti-social in order to gain the
attention that they crave.
In
spite of the reams of evidence that cell phone use while
driving is incredibly dangerous (at least 2600 people DIE
every year because of it), many, many people still insist
upon carrying on phone conversations while behind the wheel
in traffic. (See http://www.drivinglaws.org/stats.php
and http://www.drivinglaws.org/top10/10-reasons.php.)
Tens of thousands of people have lost their husbands, wives,
sons, daughters, mothers, fathers. . . . you name it, only
because someone thought "It'll never happen to
me." Those people were wrong, and they've killed
other people because they weren't willing to give their
undivided attention to the task at hand, which was driving.
Why
are we so unwilling--and almost unable--to give our
undivided attention to the tasks that we do? All
throughout our culture and society, we see declines in the
quality of work and the service, and much of this is due to
the fact that people seem to think that multi-tasking isn't
just a new norm, but a necessity.
In
the United States, at least, we used to have a very strong
work ethic, and we used to teach our kids to be proud of the
results of their work. We much more often focused on
outcomes, and because we wanted it to be positive, we
learned to put our undivided attention to the task we had
taken on. When a parent spent time with a child, they
spent time together, talking or playing or just going for a
long walk. Nowadays, though, parents seem to resent
this distraction that keeps them from watching their TV and
spending time on the phone talking about trifles. So
they compromise by being there physically with the
kid, but certainly not there emotionally or mentally for
the kid.
In
the classroom, in spite of all the people who glorify the
idea of multi-tasking, I find that the students who are able
to sit down and focus on the assignment are the ones who
succeed in learning the material. Because of that, I
spend a lot of time in class teaching kids how to focus, and
believe it or not, these kids appreciate that. Over
and over again, these teenagers thank me for helping them to
learn how to study, because no one else ever had tried to do
so. Most teachers are so intent on the assignments
that they never pay attention to whether or not their
students are even able to focus on the material they're
supposed to be learning.
And
with the role models that these young people have, is it any
surprise that they have a hard time focusing? Whom
have they seen who models the ability to put their undivided
attention on a task? Even many pro athletes don't
focus on their sports exclusively any more--during games,
watch how many NFL players are just as interested in the
crowd and the cameras as they are in the game. And
those are the ones that the networks give the most camera
time to. . . .
I
know many people who are almost never satisfied with the
results that they get in life, whether that be at work, with
their hobbies, in their relationships, or in other
areas. Most of these people don't get the results they
desire because while they're doing something, they're also
focused on something else. Is a conversation with your
wife as valuable when you're also watching a TV show?
Is time spent with your teenager going to be as valuable if
you--or her--spend most of your time on the phone with
someone else? Can you really get your work done well
if you're also surfing the Internet? These are
questions that most of us never seem to address--and
probably because we already know the answer, and we just
don't really want to hear it.
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Most
of my major disappointments have turned out
to be blessings in disguise. So whenever anything bad
happens to me, I kind of sit back and feel, well, if I give
this enough time, it'll turn out that this was good,
so I shan't worry about it too much.
William
Gaines |
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When you have too much
month
for your paycheck,
then what
you need to do is
realize
that there is abundance
all around
you, and focus on
the
abundance and not your
lack and
as night follows
day
abundance will come to you.
Sidney Madwed
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How then, do we come in contact with ourselves?
Number one,
by becoming aware. Isn't that a nice
word--aware? It kind of hits
you right where it
matters, doesn't it? To be aware. To be aware
of everything. To be aware of life. To be
aware of growth, to be
aware of death, to be aware of
beauty, to be aware of people,
flowers, trees. Open
your mind and begin to see and feel! Begin
to
experience, and don't be ashamed of it! Touch, feel,
chew, as
you never have before. Keep growing!
Keep consistently growing.
Every moment that you do,
you change. Open your mind, open your
heart, open
your arms, take it all in. You can keep taking and
taking
and taking, and what is, never runs out.
There's always more. The
more that you see in a
tree, the more that there is to see. You hear
a
Beethoven sonata, and it leads you to infinity. Pick
up a book of
poetry, and it leads you to beauty. You
love one person,
and that love leads you to
hundreds. Keep growing.
Leo
Buscaglia |
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