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22
September 2009 |
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Let
the refining and improving
of your own life keep you so
busy that you have little time
to criticize others.
H.
Jackson Brown, Jr.
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People
are disturbed not by things that happen, but by their
opinions of the things that happen.
Epictetus
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You
have to accept whatever
comes, and the only important
thing is that you meet it with the
best you have to give.
Eleanor
Roosevelt
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Self-love
in not only necessary and good, it is a prerequisite for
loving others.
Rollo
May |
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The
Art of Living with Ourselves
Wilferd A. Peterson
Wrote
the poet and mystic Maeterlinck: "The thoughts
you think will irradiate you as though you are a
transparent vase." We radiate what we are
and so it is more important to be than to get,
to become than to possess. People tune
in to our inner wave length. There is much wisdom in
the old Hindu saying: "Beware, beware, what
goes forth from you will come back to you."
As
a boy I learned a little rhyme that I have never
forgotten: "Don't be a veneer stuck on with
glue, be solid mahogany all the way through."
Our
first task then, in living with ourselves, is to be
ourselves, to be genuine and sincere, to go forth to
others as the persons we truly are without sham or
pretense. Beyond this our task is to grow in mind
and spirit.
While
driving on the Ohio Turnpike I saw a sign exhorting
drivers. "Stay Awake, Stay Alive,"
it cried. These words, it seems to me, have even
deeper significance as a way of life. The more awake
we are to what goes on around us the more alive we will
be. Being wide awake opens the way to experiencing
the infinite riches of body, mind, heart and spirit.
We
do not sufficiently use the senses God has given us.
The magazine ETC, the quarterly review of the
International Society of General Semantics, devoted a full
issue to the subject of LSD and other psychedelic drugs.
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Editor
S.I. Hayakawa made this vital point: "Most
people haven't learned to use the senses they
possess. I not only hear music, I listen to
it. I find the colors of the day such vivid
experiences that I sometimes pound the steering wheel with
excitement. And I say why disorient your beautiful
senses with drugs and poisons before you have half
discovered what they can do for you?"
The
great mystics did not fog up the windows of heaven with
drugs. They did not distort their visions with
poisons. They found their own senses and their
perceptive ad intuitive powers sufficient to experience
the Presence of God.
To
make the most of ourselves we must become aware of the
miracles all around us. We must open our eyes, ears,
minds, hearts, spirits. We must think about great
ideas such as space illimitable, time everlasting, energy
inexhaustible. You have the magic power within
yourself to broaden your horizons, to lift your
consciousness, to live more abundantly.
To
learn to live with ourselves we must often get away by
ourselves so we can find quiet, solitude, and time to
think and meditate.
The
poet Robert Frost stressed the importance of
separateness. He told a group, of which I was a
part, that we must be careful that we do not homogenize
society as we homogenize milk. . . so the cream at the top
disappears. The heart and the lungs work together,
he explained, but they are also separate organs. A
person, he said, should endeavor to achieve separateness
in his or her thinking, even amidst the pressures of the
crowd. And often we may experience a greater feeling
of togetherness with people when we are separate and
alone, rather than with others. We must learn to
live together, but we must not lose the precious gift of
separateness.
The
growth of the self, however, is not accomplished only in
solitude and isolation. Aloneness must be balanced
with contacts with people and the world. There is
need to try out our ideas on others, to sharpen our minds,
to contend with those who disagree with us. We can
learn from our enemies as well as our friends, and often
those who are hardest on us contribute more to our growth
than those who make things easy for us.
I
have always liked these words attributed to Walt
Whitman: "Have you learned lessons only of
those who admired you and were tender with you and stood
aside for you? Have you not learned great lessons
from those who braced themselves against you, and disputed
the passage with you?"
The
self needs the spur of conflict, competition, even defeat,
for out of those come strength and character.
Heed
these words by Epictetus: "So when the crisis
is upon you, remember that God, like a trainer of
wrestlers, has matched you with a tough and stalwart
antagonist--that you may be a winner at the Great
Games."
The
art of living with ourselves also requires that we be
resilient and flexible so we will not break ourselves
against the hardness of life. I learned this
important lesson from a naturalist in Bryce Canyon,
Utah. I asked him about the gallant lone pines on
the mountaintops that survive the full sweep of wind and
storm.
I
was told that the pines are called Limber Pines. To
demonstrate, the naturalist took a branch of a Limber Pine
and tied it into a knot. In a few minutes he untied
the knot and the branch immediately sprang back to its
original position.
It
is not through never bending that the trees survive.
It is in never failing to spring erect again after the
gale has passed that victory is achieved.
Resiliency
is also an important factor in the art of living with
ourselves. The winds of life--the conflicts,
pressures, changes--will bend us, but if we have
resiliency of the spirit they cannot break us. To
courageously straighten up again after our heads have been
bowed by defeat, disappointment and suffering is a supreme
test of character.
To
learn to live with ourselves, to make the most of
ourselves, to achieve wholeness of personality, to grow
into more effective human beings--this is the first vital
step in the art of living.
*
* * * *
Next
Week: "The Art of Living with
Others." To learn more about Wilferd A.
Peterson, click
here.
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Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week. |
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Eyes Wide Open
tom walsh
Imminent
Extinction?
There are
many people who claim that things like common courtesy are
dead, that our contemporary society doesn't help things
like courtesy to thrive, but rather sends things like
courtesy to their untimely early demise. In many
ways, I agree with these people, for I do see things like
courtesy and politeness moving towards their extinction as
we move towards a more fragmented society in which we all
live more "independently," which really just
means "isolated" in the context of our
societies. But
I think an observation like this begs a very important
question: if common courtesy is, indeed, dying, then
what are we going to do about it? Are we going to
watch its death throes and then lament its loss, or are we
going to do whatever we can to do our bit--no matter how
small and insignificant it may seem to be--to keep it
alive? As
long as even one person in the world is practicing common
courtesy, then it will not be dead. And if we do all
we can to pass on the idea of being courteous and
respectful to other to our children, then at least we can
be sure that something as wonderful as courtesy will be
around for another generation, even if it's alive only in
small pockets here and there, in certain communities or
even in just a few families. All
through our recent history, we've seen many animal species
become extinct, simply ceasing to have any members alive
on our planet at all. And if we're not careful,
something like courtesy could easily go the way of the
Mexican Grizzly Bear or the Dodo Bird, though if we act quickly
enough we may be able to save it before it's gone
completely. After
all, the Sea Otter in the Pacific was hunted almost to
extinction at the end of the 19th century and beginning of
the last century, but when people became aware of its
potential loss, they began efforts to conserve it, and
today the Otter thrives in many areas where it previously
had been obliterated. All
I can do to prevent the demise of common courtesy is to be
courteous myself, as a matter of course, and to teach
others-- especially the young--the importance of being
courteous. If I can pass it on to just one young
person, then I can be sure that it will survive as long as
that person does; and perhaps that person will then pass
the courtesy on further, keeping courtesy alive even
longer. What
I can't do is abandon it just because others don't seem to
be aware of it or willing to practice it. Just
because others aren't courteous doesn't mean that I
shouldn't be courteous. Just because others don't
write letters any more (another dying art) doesn't mean
that I shouldn't write letters and send cards to friends
and family. If there's something that we know is
worthwhile, that we know contributes in a positive way to
the world, then we should make a serious effort to keep
that thing going. Courtesy, encouragement, love,
understanding, compassion--these are all things that are
worth keeping around on our planet, but things that we see
less and less of each day. Personally,
I'm going to try to keep common courtesy alive by being
courteous and allowing other people to see and feel the
positive feelings that courtesy causes. The same
goes for compassion and encouragement, love and hope and
understanding--all I can do is model these things so that
others will experience their power and beauty, and then
hope that others decide to keep them alive in their own,
unique ways. My goal each day can be simple, and
hopefully the result of our efforts will be the
perpetuation of these great things in the lives of us
human beings! |
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Be
who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind
don't matter,
and those who matter don't mind.
Dr.
Seuss |
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Is Your Attitude Worth Catching?
Margo Chevers
Most people agree that attitudes are contagious.
Yet,
when they think about their own attitude, they don’t give
much thought to how it affects the people they come into
contact with. Everyone thinks in terms of how others'
attitudes affect them.
The question we should all ask ourselves is, “Is my
attitude worth catching?” We should ask ourselves anytime
we are dealing with customers, co-workers, friends, family
or anyone at all.
I think everyone has encountered that individual at work
who from one day to the other is unpredictable. You never
know whether they’ll be in a good mood or a bad mood.
Someone in the department always checks that person out,
first thing in the morning and reports back to the rest of
the team.
If the person is in a
good mood, everyone relaxes.
They feel free to joke with one another,
they ask for help when necessary and their work productivity
is at a high level. But, the very next day that same
individual can be in a bad mood and everyone immediately
quiets down, stops interacting unnecessarily with team
members and the productivity goes down. All because of one
person who has a poor attitude.
The whole organization can be infected by that one
person’s bad attitude. And if that happens, the customer
will eventually suffer for it.
I saw this in practice a number of years ago when I was
on a team that was conducting a two day customer service
program for Chrysler Corp. We did two – 2-day sessions
every week for 10 weeks, so were well versed in the subject
and the content of the program. We could predict with close
accuracy the reaction of the group to certain activities
and exercises we would conduct.
About four to five weeks into the program we had an attendee by
the name of Betty who came in and was assigned a seat in the
middle of 70 other participants. It was obvious from her
demeanor that she did not want to be there.
After the first activity, the question was asked, “what
did we just learn from that?” The normal reaction was for
people to shout out responses on insights they’d had.
The
energy was high, the enthusiasm was evident, and the
participation was almost 100 percent.
This particular day, when the question was asked, “what
did we just learn from that?” the first respondent was
Betty. From the center of the room a voice shouted,
“Absolutely nothing.”
The room fell silent.
After the longest two days of training I have ever
conducted, the end came and Betty was the first to leave the
room, practically on a run. She threw her evaluation sheet
at me. I didn’t have to ask how she scored us.
Right behind her was a salesman who asked, “Can you
throw her evaluation away? We all know what she said.”
I
told him that no, the agreement was to send them all in to
headquarters. Although I have to admit, I was sorely
tempted to throw it out.
He then continued, “I have to tell you that as much as
I enjoyed these past two days, and as much as I learned from
you three trainers, I learned more from Betty.”
I was flabbergasted.
I asked him to explain. He said that
there were days when he was reluctant to go to work because
he knew he wouldn’t get any “good customers” and
consequently they wouldn’t buy any cars. He said he also
had days when he knew it would be a good day and he’d have
great customers who would make a purchase.
He said that sure enough, he was always correct.
But
after experiencing Betty, he saw how attitudes can affect
other people. He realized that he was the one who was the
predictor of what kind of a day it would be. He ended by
saying “Attitudes are extremely contagious, aren’t
they?”
I had always known that, but after having been through
the experience of the past two days where one person
impacted 70 other people in a major way, I learned the
lesson all over again.
The lesson is, keep your attitude a positive one if you
want the outcome of your dealings with other people to be
positive.
Margo Chevers, author of the book
STOP the BS (Bad Service), has been providing sales and customer service
seminars to a diverse cross-section of industries for the
past 19 years. To receive her free 10 top tips for
exceptional customer service, call (800) 858-0797 or email Margo@MargoChevers.com. |
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Autumn. . . makes a double
demand. It asks that we prepare
for the future--that we be wise
in the ways of garnering and keeping.
But it also asks that we
learn to let go--to acknowledge
the beauty of sparseness.
Bonaro W.
Overstreet
Don't forget to visit our page dedicated to
this beautiful season!
Just click here for quotes, passages, and poems dedicated to
autumn. . . . |
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| I
just received this article as an email that claims that
the author is 90 years old, and that I'm a slimeball if I
don't forward it to as many people as I can. The
author, however, is only 50, and I'm not a slimeball just
because I refuse to forward inaccurate emails for no real
reason!
Regina
Brett's 45 life lessons and 5 to grow on
To
celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life
taught me.
It
is the most-requested column I've ever written. My
odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:
1.
Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2.
When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3.
Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4.
Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5.
Pay off your credit cards every month.
6.
You don't have to win every argument. Agree to
disagree.
7.
Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying
alone.
8.
It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9.
Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10.
When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11.
Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the
present.
12.
It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13.
Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea
what their journey is all about.
14.
If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in
it.
15.
Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But
don't worry; God never blinks.
16.
Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy
living, or get busy dying.
17.
You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18.
A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But
the second one is up to you and no one else.
20.
When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't
take no for an answer.
21.
Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy
lingerie. Don't save it for a special
occasion. Today is special.
22.
Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23.
Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear
purple.
24.
The most important sex organ is the brain.
25.
No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26.
Frame every so-called disaster with these words:
"In five years, will this matter?"
27.
Always choose life.
28.
Forgive everyone everything.
29.
What other people think of you is none of your business.
30.
Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31.
However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32.
Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.
Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33.
Believe in miracles.
34.
God loves you because of who God is, not because of
anything you did or didn't do.
35.
Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36.
Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37.
Your children get only one childhood. Make it
memorable.
38.
Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39.
Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting
everywhere.
40.
If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone
else's, we'd grab ours back.
41.
Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it
now.
42.
Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or
joyful.
43.
All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44.
Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you
need.
45.
The best is yet to come.
46.
No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47.
Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48.
If you don't ask, you don't get.
49.
Yield.
50.
Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Regina
Brett is a columnist for The Cleveland Plain Dealer.
You can contact her at rbrett@plaind.com.
You can also read some of her thoughts about this piece at
http://www.cleveland.com/brett/blog/index.ssf/2009/
06/lifes_lessons_speed_up_on_inte.html |
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