What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace.

Agnes M. Pahro

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day.  Don't clean it up too quickly.

Andy Rooney

It bothers me that most conversations I have at this time of year contain some level of stress and anxiety about the upcoming holiday season.  I'm not immune myself--every year I swing on a pendulum between being caught up in a frenzy of materialism or feeling the urge to back away and becoming cynical about the entire season.  What is up with that?  Shouldn't this time of year be about peace, joy and celebration?

It's understandably complex; the holiday season taps into all of our personal and collective beliefs and values, from our deepest feelings about creation to how our families function to how we live in community.  Throw a substantial dose of shameless consumerism into the mix and it's no wonder people both love and dread this time of year.

For better or worse, it's the way it is--but there's an option.  You can consciously change your relationship with this time of year. Rather than just go for the ride year after year (and hope you don't put on too many extra pounds), you can make a declaration to yourself to make this a different year.

Here are five practices to seriously consider.  If you do, I guarantee that you will feel surprisingly different by the end of the year.

1.  Get clear about what's most important to you.  Redefine the spirit of the season for yourself.  What is this holiday really about-- is it spiritual?  Family?  Is it even about giving?  There are no right answers, except yours.

2.  Are your basic needs met before giving to others?  Are you in integrity with your finances?  Often we equate love and generosity with the value of a gift.  Gift-giving can take many forms.  Make sure you are in alignment with your true values first, and then decide what to give.

3.  When you find yourself imagining stressful scenarios about family interactions or social situations, ask yourself, "is this the only possibility?"  Remind yourself that worrying about the future or regretting the past isn't going to change what has happened or is going to happen.  Search for what else could be true, rather than what you fear.

4.  Create your own traditions.  Once you're clear about what makes this season meaningful for you, have fun and play with it.  Invite your loved ones to participate in something new.  Take a risk; defy convention. 

5.  Remember, your time and energy is precious.  Are your boundaries intact?  Most of the stress around the holidays means an increase in time demands and frankly, an increase in food intake.  Be clear about what works for you and what doesn't.  Making and sticking to healthy choices isn't deprivation, it's self-love.  Enjoy yourself as well as honoring yourself at the deepest level.

For me the holidays are about remembering the light, celebrating goodness and deeply feeling gratitude for life itself.  I'm looking forward to the holidays . . . are you?

I wish you ALL, all the goodness, light and love possible now and through this holiday season.

It's YOUR life . . . imagine the possibilities!

Recently I began to consider how I often think of God in the same way I used to think about Santa Claus.

"My" Santa comes from the North Pole and wears the red suit with white trim most of you are familiar with.  I must say I was taken aback upon meeting my first Finn a number of years ago.  He said (and he certainly seemed to believe what he was saying!) that Santa came from Finland, and wore clothes fashioned from the hides of polar bears.  I tried to explain to him who the "real" Santa was, but he just smiled and went his own way.

When it comes to "God" my thinking is similar to Alcoholics Anonymous.  When I write about "God" I am writing about, "A 'higher power' as perceived by you."  Be it "God," "Spirit," "Goddess," or "Oh Mighty One," all is fine with me.

Santa used to enter my mind only once a year, but when he did I asked for everything I wanted, and in return I promised to be a good boy.  Some years Santa heard my plea and came through with all the goods as ordered.  Other years I wondered if he had fallen asleep on the job.  Either that, or he was dumping stuff on me that he couldn't get rid of the year before!

So yes, when I take a moment, I realize my conversations with God are often similar to the conversations I had with Santa.  I give thanks for the many things he's given me in the past, while doing my best to refrain from complaining about some of the unwanted gifts that I had no way of returning.  I ask for a lot for the future, and I promise very little, if anything in return.

Does this pattern seem at all familiar to you?  Ask for a lot, give back a little, and feel somehow cheated or misunderstood when your requests are not met.

Recently I've been having somewhat of a different relationship with God.  Let me explain what it's like for me lately:

*   I assume that if God knows anything at all about me, he already knows what I want and don't want.  I don't need to keep telling him over and over again, just to be sure.

*   I recognize I have little understanding of why my prayers appear to get answered at some times, and not at others.  One thing does seem clear though--praying in a louder, more imploring voice, or promising to be a good boy have very little effect on the results I achieve.

*   I realize a lot of the stuff I asked for in the past, I was lucky I didn't get.  I really don't know what is best for me and I've proved that numerous times over the years.

*   Regardless of all my training and education, when left to my own devices I am still prone to screwing up fairly often.  I've asked God, for the times he isn't available, to feel free to send someone else to help out!

*   I've decided to surrender to what does occur, rather than creating my own agenda, which often doesn't hold up anyway.  I find it makes a lot more sense for me to adapt to God, rather than trying to get God to adapt to me!

*   I now spend some time most mornings asking God what he'd like from me, rather than asking him to give to me.

*   In the evening before going to bed, I make sure (most of the time, that is) to give thanks for all I have.  When doing this I make sure to include some of what seems "obvious" or "ordinary" like potable water, shelter, food, and utilities.  There are way too many people in the world who don't have any of that.

*   I'm doing a lot more listening to God these days, rather than talking to him.  Or her.  In general, in my life, I find that listening is a skill that I need to develop quite a bit more.

How about you?

Do Your Best (Forget the Rest)

Now that the holiday season has descended upon us like a storm system, we all have a lot of duties and responsibilities that we need to fulfill.  There are gifts to buy, gifts to wrap, cards to write and envelopes to address, pies to bake, groceries to buy, friends to contact, and all that fun stuff.  'Tis the season to be busy, after all, in addition to being jolly and having a merry little Christmas.  While it's a beautiful season with a lovely focus on joy and peace on earth and goodwill towards all people, it can get just a tad hectic if we're not careful.

Once things get hectic, of course, it's quite easy to lose perspective on the season and our lives.  It's easy to forget that we're doing these things for the benefit of others, and that if that's the case, we should be doing these things without conditions attached.  Because it's when we start attaching conditions to the things we do that we start getting more frustrated and upset, and we can turn our holiday season into a very negative experience if we're not careful, and if we're not able to let go of all those expectations.

One of the best things that I've learned in life--one of the things that helps me to maintain peace of mind--is keeping expectations at a minimum.  I often hear people say things like "It's important to have expectations so that others can learn to live up to them," but I heartily disagree.  Most of the unhappiness that I've seen in my life has come because people haven't had their expectations of others fulfilled, so they're disappointed, angry, frustrated, annoyed, or unpleasantly surprised.  And then they start using their energy--their very life essence--complaining about how someone has let them down or hurt them, rather than using that energy to contribute something positive to the world.

I do my best when I search for gifts.  I try to think of just what a particular person would like, and then, if I can afford it, I get that something for them.  Once I buy it, though, I wrap it with the knowledge that many things can happen.  The person may like the gift, or the person may hate the gift.  The person may be indifferent to the gift, and it may end up in a closet or drawer for years.  But all I can do is choose the gift, wrap it, and present it.  Once all that's done, I know I've done my best, and I have to be ready for the person to receive the gift in an honest way.  And if they want to take it back to the store and exchange it, that's honestly fine with me--my sincere hope is that they end up with something they truly like.  If I have hurt feelings because someone doesn't react the way I expect them to, then I'm hurting myself--that person isn't hurting me at all.

I do my best when I make a pie or cake or cook a meal.  Then I put it on the table.  Some people will compliment me, some will like the meal but say nothing, some won't like certain dishes, some won't even try a piece of the pie.  If I feel hurt or upset because someone doesn't like something, then I'm upsetting myself--there's no accounting for taste, and we can't make someone like a dish or pie that they just don't like.  I can enjoy my meal or pie only if I'm not focused on how people will react to it--I want to focus on the tastes of the food, and I want to enjoy the meal for all that it's worth.

I do my best when I'm addressing cards.  I always forget someone, though.  And while I certainly don't see forgetting someone as a positive thing, as long as I haven't done it on purpose there really isn't a problem.  Some people forget me, and I understand that--during a hectic season, it's easy to forget to send something to someone.  In this day and age, though, at least we have those e-cards to help us when we've made a mistake with the physical cards!

And on Christmas morning, when the gifts are being opened and everyone's gathered for the day, it's nice to be able to relax, to recognize that you've done the best you can, and now it's time to let go of results and enjoy the morning.  After all, your family and friends will be able to enjoy your company much more if you're not worrying about results--you're not doing them a favor by being stressed and worried!