17 March 2009

  

Hi there!  It's time for another issue of our e-zine, time to share
words that we hope will touch you in positive ways and help you to
see and recognize the beauty and wonder of all the potential we have.

  

Always Have Fun in All Ways
Bill Resler

On Giving
Khalil Gibran

Do You Need More Time?
Helaine Iris

Doing What We Can
tom walsh

Feel free to drop us a line at  info at livinglifefully.com (all one word, put @ sign
instead of "at") with any comments or ideas--we'd love to hear from you!

  
If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however, if I treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties,
but of little things, in which smiles, and kindnesses,
and small obligations, given habitually, are what
win and preserve the heart and secure comfort.

Humphrey Davy

Do not keep the alabaster boxes of your love
and tenderness sealed up until your friends are dead.
Fill their lives with sweetness.  Speak approving,
cheering words while their ears can hear them
and while their hearts can be thrilled by them.

Henry Ward Beecher

  

  

Always Have Fun in All Ways
Bill Resler

People ask me why it is I continue to coach high school girls basketball despite the fact that my daughters are grown and that the job takes up a considerable amount of time.  It certainly isn't for the money.  I could make more money mowing lawns in a summer than I do as a high school girls basketball coach.  If a person coaches high school girls basketball for money or fame, they're insane.  Good coaches devote so many hours of their lives solely because they love the players they teach.  They know that the true payoff doesn't come from a winning on-court feat--it comes years after the girls graduate from high school, when I see them walking tall and strong and I know they gained much of their confidence through the life lessons they learned on the court.  Without a doubt, I coach for the love of the game, but I also coach because it gives me the opportunity to pass on the important lessons I've learned to all of the wonderful students under my watch. . . .

I know that in order for my players to get the most out of their basketball seasons, they must be able to own their own turf--and this translates to their lives off the court, too.  In Roughrider land, the basketball key is our home.  We will share our home with teammates, but not with opponents.  When an opponent flashes through the key, we will smash them.  We run a drill called "Smash the Flash," which teaches the girls that no one is allowed in our key and any opponent who does so will get knocked to the hardwood.  As the girls often say, "Not in our kitchen."  

Owning the actual basketball court is important, but it represents just one part of a player's turf.  When players learn to work with teammates while controlling their turf, they're practicing skills that will help them deal with future life experiences.

When kids are young, their parents are their primary educators.  Most parents understand that as their little ones grow up, they need to be given more and more space as they edge towards independence.  Parents need to understand that high school sports provide an environment where their kids can learn to assert themselves and grow as individuals.  But in order for that to happen, young athletes must be allowed to take the helm themselves, and navigate unexplored waters using their own steering mechanisms, without parental involvement. . . .

There is one guiding principle that pushes my life and that drives all of these lessons:  always have fun in all ways.  Every other teaching standard and life lesson flows from this key philosophy.  I believe that if your life isn't fun, you should change it.  Every person views fun in their own way, but not everyone pursues it as their paramount principle.  It's unlikely that everyone is comfortable with placing "always have fun" at the top of their life-goals list, but for me, there is no other course.  For those of you who disagree, take a moment to consider that placing fun on the highest pedestal can make it easier to be in the moment, even when you're facing a truly difficult and challenging situation.

All of the lessons I've taught the Roughriders through the years are important.  But I feel that employing a teaching style that utilizes fun aspects when possible is incredibly helpful, especially when dealing with confidence boosting.  Much of my coaching comes sprinkled with wicked sarcasm and impish pranks.  I believe that to be effective, I must create an aura of unpredictability, so during practice I spout out crazy comments at random times.  I do this for two reasons:  first, to keep them alert, and most important, to remind them that we must always have fun in all ways. . . .

As I've reflected on my eight seasons as Roosevelt's coach and considered all that I've accomplished, which is something I rarely do, I honestly don't care about Roosevelt's win-loss record or how many championships we've won.  More than any statistic, I care about the lessons my players learn from the experience, and how they will utilize those lessons decades after the final buzzer of their basketball careers.  What I value most is knowing that I've made a positive impact on the lives of many teenagers.  My players, and the moments they have created, have brought me more fun than I can fit into words.
   
     

In this engaging book, Coach Bill Resler discusses the lessons – culled from life experiences both on and off the court — that he teaches his players. By combining life lessons with basketball skill, he transformed a once-losing basketball team into state champions. Here Resler remembers past players and seasons and uses them to illustrate these valuable lessons. The stories he shares are filled with the excitement of the game and the coach’s personal charm. In addition, the book details Resler’s concept of the Inner Circle, a technique he uses to develop deep-seated feelings of comaraderie in his players. The Heart of the Team inspires readers to develop competitiveness, teamwork, and self-confidence — attributes that come in handy both on and off the court.

   
    

The Heart of the Game is, simply put, one of the most enjoyable and joyous documentaries ever made. For several years, the movie follows a girls' basketball team called the Rough Riders from a Seattle high school as they strive to win the state championship, and in the process discovers heart-wrenching twists of fate, vivid and compelling characters, colorful dialogue, and a nail-biting conclusion. The Heart of the Game starts with Bill Resler, a professor of tax law who agrees to become the head coach for the girls' basketball program at Roosevelt High School. He swiftly challenges the players with demanding drills and wild metaphors (each year he picks a different theme for the team, from "pack of wolves" to "tropical storm")--and the girls take him on, pulling together into a potent team. But when a girl from a poor neighborhood named Darnellia Russell joins the Rough Riders, her skill takes their fortunes even higher--until she unexpectedly has to quit.

   
   
Life for me is like an ocean, with waves sometimes high, sometimes low, sometimes smooth, sometimes rough; so sometimes I'm high, sometimes I'm smooth, sometimes I'm low and sometimes I'm troubled.  To carry the ocean analogy a little further, the current is life and the waves are essential for the movement of the ocean and for all the life that it holds inside.  Waves are a natural response to all the forces in the universe.
   I am the same way, my faces are natural consequences of my being a human being, living and growing, and I need to know that storms as well as the beautiful sunshine are part of life.  So I take pride in my stormy face, my sunshiney face, and I accept them as natural for that context.  I don't have to put on a happy face when I feel stormy.  I can put on a face that belongs with that.  And I don't have to put on a face of doubt when I feel sunshiney inside.

Virginia Satir

   

  
 
On Giving
Khalil Gibran (from The Prophet)

Then said a rich man, "Speak to us of Giving."

And he answered:

You give but little when you give of your possessions.

It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

For what are your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?

And tomorrow, what shall tomorrow bring to the overprudent dog burying bones in the trackless sand as he follows the pilgrims to the holy city?

And what is fear of need but need itself?

Is not dread of thirst when your well is full, thirst that is unquenchable?

There are those who give little of the much which they have - and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.

And there are those who have little and give it all.

These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.

There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.

And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.

And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;

They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.

Though the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.

It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding;

And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving.

And is there aught you would withhold?

All you have shall some day be given;

Therefore give now, that the season of giving may be yours and not your inheritors'.

You often say, "I would give, but only to the deserving."

The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture.

They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.

Surely he who is worthy to receive his days and his nights is worthy of all else from you.

And he who has deserved to drink from the ocean of life deserves to fill his cup from your little stream.

And what desert greater shall there be than that which lies in the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of receiving?

And who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil their pride, that you may see their worth naked and their pride unabashed?

See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving.

For in truth it is life that gives unto life -- while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness.

And you receivers -- and you are all receivers -- assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon him who gives.

Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on wings;

For to be overmindful of your debt, is to doubt his generosity who has the free-hearted earth for mother, and God for father.
  

   
Keeping Hope Alive
Steve Goodier

We cannot live only on hope.  But neither can we live without it.  Nobody knew this better than John Chapman.

John Chapman was a man of great hope.  He was born in 1774 in Massachusetts.  In the early 1800's he got in on the opening of land in the Northwest Territory, as it was then called, of the new United States.  He found small plots of land suitable for farming and cleared them by hand.  He bought fruit seed in Pennsylvania every year and carried it to his many apple orchards, usually on his back.

When the trees were large enough to transplant, he sold them to settlers homesteading the West.  Eventually, he had little apple orchards spread around what would become the states of Ohio, Michigan, Illinois and Indiana.  Most people forgot, or never knew, his real name, and took to calling him Johnny the Apple Man or Johnny Appleseed.

Johnny was a gentle man with a big vision.  He was liked by most people who knew him, the native Indians and white settlers alike.  His vision was to spread the goodness of apple trees everywhere people settled.  Apples, he believed, gave the promise of harvest and hope that the wilderness would become home.  Every tree he grew was a symbol of hope.

Johnny had another curious habit.  He loved books, but did not have the means to carry more than two, usually a Bible and a book of inspiration or theology.  Because Johnny wanted to share his books, he carefully cut chapters out of whatever inspirational book he had available and loaned one or two chapters to families that wanted to read.  He'd later swap those chapters for others when he came back through. In this way he left hope and encouragement wherever he traveled.

His grave can be found today in Fort Wayne, Indiana.  It says, "Johnny Appleseed (John Chapman). He lived for others."

Johnny understood his greatest task in life: to keep hope alive.  When we keep hope alive, then hope keeps us alive.
   

© Steve Goodier.  Steve is a newspaper columnist and author of numerous books on personal development. Visit his site for more information, free
eBooks or to sign up for his ezine newsletter of Life, Love and Laughter at http://LifeSupportSystem.com

  

Living Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a place
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Eyes Wide Open
tom walsh

Doing What We Can

Sometimes it seems that people expect us to be miracle workers, no matter what field we happen to be working in.  Somehow, expectations of people in almost all work fields have grown so incredibly high that we have a hard time keeping in mind that we're all still just human beings, and that we all have our abilities and our potential, but also our limitations.

Part of the problem seems to stem from the fact that we now have far fewer people doing the work of what used to be more people.  Due to economic problems, companies and schools have been forced to lay off workers and teachers and executives, and as they do so, the same amount of work gets spread around among fewer people.  Classroom sizes go up, leaving teachers to try to effectively teach more and more students.  Case loads go up and the amount of work we're expected to do--and that needs to be done--rises, but the amount of pay that we're getting for doing more work now stays the same--if we're lucky.

All in all, we're being forced to deal with a lot of problems that we haven't had to deal with in the past, yet expectations of our job performances have gone up without any more training, pay, or benefits.  It seems that the current greatest benefit is simply keeping our jobs, even though we're now expected to perform at levels that simply weren't expected of us when we got those jobs.

And what can we do about this?  About the situation as a whole, there's really nothing that we can do.  If we have work, we have to keep in mind that the expectations of us are changing, that our jobs by necessity are becoming something different than what they were or even than what we expected them to be.  And it's important that we learn to adapt to these new expectations, that we learn how to do our work carefully and completely, even if there's much more work now than there used to be.

We've already been told at the high school where I teach that our class sizes will rise dramatically next year, even though they're already pretty big this year.  For the most part, people have reacted rather practically--let's figure out how to do this well without a major drop in what we give to students.  It's not going to be easy, of course, but it will be possible for us to still teach well with larger classes.  Of course, we'll completely lose the ability to work one-on-one with our students, and we won't be able to grade nearly as much work from them, but we still can be effective.

One of my major goals is to figure out how to teach more students without having to grade so many more papers and writing assignments.  If I have more students and I continue to grade as much writing per student as I do now, then it will be impossible for me to do anything else, and I'm sure that I can expect to burn out long before the year is over.  One of my ways of coping, then, is going to be to devise assignments that are easily and quickly graded, and to think of ways that students can effectively evaluate their own work.

I recognize that I'm fortunate to be able to devise methods to cope with an increased work load.  If I worked at an insurance company, for example, and lost one of my co-workers who doesn't get replaced, then I still have the same eight hours a day to get significantly more work done, and to deal with more people.  My stress level will go up with my workload and my responsibilities, and it would be very important to me to work on ways to deal effectively with that stress.

One of the most important things I can do, though, is to recognize my own limitations and not get down on myself if I don't do virtually everything under the sun.  I'm still one person, and while I do have the ability to stretch my limits and accomplish great things, I also have to be realistic and keep in mind the limitations that come with having a certain amount of time to accomplish a certain amount of work--while I would love to work at superhuman speed and accomplish superhuman tasks, the reality is that I can do only what I can do.  I will push myself, but I won't burn myself out.  I will do all that I can, but I won't beat myself up if I don't do virtually everything.

It's also important to keep in mind that this, too, shall pass.  I was in the Army during the first Gulf War, stationed in Germany.  When the war broke out, all of the artillery units from our base were sent to Kuwait, which left about half of the people behind to do all of the work that had been done before, plus all of the additional security that came from being on a post in a foreign country.  For most of us, this meant 12-hour days, six days a week.  While it was draining, it did come to an end, and eventually we were able to go back to "normal" schedules, to the lives that we had known before the war broke out.

Be patient.  Do all that you can, and do it well.  But recognize that we're in the middle of extraordinary times, and that these times soon will pass.  "Soon" may be this summer, and it may be two years from now, but it will come.  Allow yourself to recognize that you're working well, and that you are accomplishing a lot, but don't burn yourself out.  Know that it's necessary for you to compensate for the people who are gone, but know also that it isn't necessary for you to burn yourself out.  You are who you are, and if you stretch your limits you'll see that you're able to accomplish much more than you thought you could--but you're still not superhuman, so try to remain realistic about just what you're able to do with the time and resources available to you.

  
  
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I have learned silence from the talkative;
tolerance from the intolerant;
and kindness form the unkind.

Khalil Gibran

   
    
The practice of loving kindness must find its root deep within us.  The story is told that Mohandas Gandhi once settled in a village and at once began serving the needs of the villagers who lived there.  A friend inquired if Gandhi's objectives in serving the poor were purely humanitarian.  Gandhi replied, "Not at all.  I am here to serve no one else but myself, to find my own self-realization through the service of these village folk."

As Gandhi wisely points out, even as we serve others we are working on ourselves; every act, every word, every gesture of genuine compassion naturally nourishes our own hearts as well.  It is not a question of who is healed first.  When we attend to ourselves with compassion and mercy, more healing is made available for others.  And when we serve others with an open and generous heart, great healing comes to us.

Wayne Muller

    

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