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16 June 2009 |
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More
good things in life are lost
by indifference than ever were
lost
by active hostility.
Robert
Gordon Menzies
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Everyone journeys
through character as well as through time. The person one
becomes depends on the person one has been.
Dick Francis
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| You
can tell more about people by what they say about others than you
can by what others say about them.
Leo Aikman
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Every
generation is convinced there has been a deplorable breakdown of
manners.
Byron
Dobell
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Letting
Go of Stories
Hugh Prather
In counseling parents, Gayle and I run across many
moms and dads who don't really see one of their
children; they see only the thoughts they have about
that child's basic character. These dark
thoughts cast a shadow over everything the child does,
and all of her words and acts become part of the
belief held by the parents.
Unlike movies, books, dreams, and the like--which
are representations of reality--children, adults, and
other living creatures can be experienced
directly. Provided, of course, the mind is
quiet. (Please don't entertain the tiniest doubt
that truth exists, that God is at hand, and that you
and your loved ones are real. It is patently
untrue that "everything is a projection."
The interpretations we bring to the images our eyes
see are unquestionably a projection. But the
light we behold in the heart of our child, the peace
we know when we think of our beloved, and the beauty
and wholeness we experience when we open our mind to
the Divine are unchanging, everlasting, and simply
cannot be corrupted by the word-formulating layer of
the mind.
The part of us that interprets, judges, and reacts
does not even see the eternal. It can't touch
the truth because it doesn't know truth.
Although we all have this busy, fragmented, unhealed
part of ourselves, we also have a deeper awareness
that is connected to others and united with life, a
consciousness that already rests in the embrace of
Love and beholds the children of Love. The
ability to see is already in place. It need only
be cherished.
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We have a profound tendency to confuse what we see
with how we are looking. Those who remain
unconscious of how their thoughts characterize
themselves and the ones they love simply miss life
altogether.
It is vital that we see ourselves, our children,
our partners, and other loved ones directly.
Otherwise we live inside stories of our family,
stories of our friends, and never touch anything
real. You may know many couples and individuals
whose stories about their marriage, their lives, and
their children's lives are more real than the people
involved. When you are around these people and
see them actually relate to each other, they are like
cardboard figures having cardboard exchanges.
The actual relationships have in many ways ceased to
exist and most of the emotions the people now
experience come from the tales they weave about
themselves and their relationships. Each new
event--a vacation, a promotion, a sickness, an
affair--is looked at only in terms of how it will fit
into the tale of their lives.
Certainly we all see this happen to many people who
become famous. Within a surprisingly short span
of time, they cease to exist. They merely become
stories. Anyone they know who won't go along
with the story is discarded. On a less dramatic
scale, this happens to most of us. Our lives
drift into unreality, and our old age resembles a wax
museum with the same stories narrated in the
background over and over.
Please don't let this happen to you and to how you
relate to the ones you love.
For most of us, going through a day is like opening
a very old coloring book in which the pages are pale
and all the outlines of figures are dim. Yet our
thoughts are a set of vivid colors that we apply to
scene after scene, page after page. Once we
realize that the colors we use, not the vague outlines
of figures, are what dominate our mind and call forth
our feelings, we can begin focusing on what we are
creating with our thoughts.
In other words, once we see that our thoughts coat
the events of our day so thickly that in many ways we
are reacting to a life found only in our minds, we can
stop looking at, reacting to, or trying to control
events and start observing our thoughts.
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In this
little book on mental cleansing, Prather uses
personal stories as well as step-by-step
exercises to help readers understand the
rewards and the process of letting go. For
example, in the section on letting go of guilt
and hurtful actions, Prather suggests that for
at least one day readers "rise from sleep
and make your purpose only this: 'I will go
through this day harmlessly. I will hurt no
one in my thoughts or in my actions, including
myself.'" Prather includes numerous
similar kinds of assignments in all of his
chapters, including how to let go
of..."Mental Pollutants,"
"Misery," "Prediction and
Control," and "Spiritual Specialness." |
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Our
Children
Neale Donald Walsch
They many never
say it, but children are spiritually hungry and depend on us to
provide them with resources that bring spiritual
development. For just as we hunger for a higher awareness
and deeper understanding of the human adventure, so do
children. But in order for us to nourish our children, our
own lives must be nourished as well. We need to give
ourselves time to relax, time to enjoy life, and time away from
the extraordinary pressure and stress that modern technology has
placed on our lives where we cannot get away from work. When
we begin to nurture ourselves, we realize it is okay to give
ourselves that extra bowl of ice cream even if it does mean we put
on half a pound. When we nurture ourselves, we also give
ourselves the chance to sit quietly and read a good book on a
Sunday afternoon although there could be more practical things to
do on the computer.
As nourished
guardians or even guardian angels, we become better equipped to
nourish our children and supply them with opportunities for their
inner growth. We can place our children in front of the
kinds of material that we would love to have them exposed to--the
kinds of books, television programs, musical experiences of song
and dance, and fine arts that will benefit them. We are also
better equipped to see the importance of placing children in
environments where they notice the lovely and joyous aspects of
the human experience. Schools used to provide nourishment to
children's souls through extraordinary programs in art, music, and
dance. But school budgets have been cut back, and such
experiences are no longer as prevalent. As parents, as
guardians, we must give ourselves time to be with our children,
and to nurture our children by also nurturing ourselves.
It is up to us to
lead our children into warm and wonderful and glorious places in
their own life experiences. We have to deal candidly,
openly, honestly, and compassionately with their fears, and always
enhance their understanding of the possibility that there may be
more going on here than any of us could possibly imagine.
From the very early days of their lives, we have to help children
to notice how to get in touch with the energy of the Divine, the
universe, which we also call God. They need to be shown how
to depend on God. And they need to know we can all
experience communion with God, which is a sense of deep oneness
and unity with the Divine. Children are spiritually
hungry. Let us do everything to make sure their hunger is
not ignored.
Visit Neale at his
website: http://www.nealedonaldwalsch.com
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Offering
insight and revelation
in a manner that is sure
to bring positive change,
A Chorus of Wisdom is a
treasure chest of advice
that transcends the ages.
Bringing together the writings
of over 25 visionary thinkers
and including reflections
on each essay from the
editor, this book shows
how to create a life
filled with purpose,
peace and healing. |
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Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week. |
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Eyes
Wide Open
tom walsh
The
Frog
I'm
not one to dwell in the past and regret things that I've done or
haven't done--I've read too much great advice about not doing so
to do it myself--but every once in a while, a memory of a past
action will remind me of some principle or another that helps me
to live my life more fully and more mindfully. A couple of
days ago, I suddenly remembered a frog that my wife and I saw on a
sidewalk two years ago, and that memory brings back to me an
important idea about life.
We
were taking a walk at dusk, enjoying the cool of the evening and a
soft breeze that carried the scents of all the plants and trees in
the area to us. It was a beautiful evening, and we were
passing a small lake next to a golf course when I saw something
large on the sidewalk ahead of us. It looked like a large
cow pie, to be honest, but there in the middle of town there was
little chance that a cow had passed by on the sidewalk and left an
offering. As I got closer, I saw that it was a very large
frog or toad (I'm not sure of the differences), just sitting there
facing the busy street.
It
was painfully obvious that this frog would be putting its life at
great risk if it were to try to cross the road, so I stepped in
front of it and started walking it back to the lake it was coming
from. It didn't like me there, so it turned and went back
the way it came. It would hop once and then sit, then I'd
advance slowly until it hopped again, and in that way I was able
to get it back to what I thought was safety. We went home
then, hoping that the frog wasn't going to try to cross that road.
A
couple of days later, though, we found a frog in the road that had
been killed by a car. It was completely flat, as frogs tend
to get when they're run over many times by many cars. It was
big, and there was a chance that it was the body of the frog that
I had tried to save by getting it to go back where it came from.
And
it hit me just how wrong I had been to try to turn the frog
around. Although my intentions were good, I was trying to
get the frog to go against its nature. It was trying to
cross the road for a reason, and I had no clue as to what that
reason could be--so why did I try to help it by keeping it from
doing what it wanted and needed to do?
The
appropriate way to help it, I knew, would have been to pick it up
and carry it across the road, helping it to reach the destination
it had chosen for itself, rather than forcing it back to whatever
it was leaving. As I thought about it, it seemed completely
counterintuitive to try to get something to go back to where it's
been in favor of helping it get to where it's going.
How
would you like it if someone did that to you, after all?
What if you were all ready to take a risk and move on to something
that you know is better, and someone came along and forced you
back to being what you've been all along? What if you wanted
to move to another city and someone tried to force you to stay
where you are? What if you were ready to try a new career
and someone tried to force you to stay with the one you're at now,
just for the sake of safety? Would that person be doing the
right thing, no matter what his or her intentions?
I've
helped many a turtle across roads, and I always carry them further
in the direction they were going when I came across them.
After all, I've wanted to keep them from being killed by helping
them get to where they want to go. But with this frog,
though, I did just the opposite, and ended up not helping a
bit. Not much of a surprise, is it?
I
know now that when I come across someone who can use some help,
it's important that I take the time to know just where they're
going, so that I can help them along in that direction. If I
try to discourage them, if I try to get them to stick to the
status quo, then I'm really not doing them any good, am I? It
certainly might not have been the same frog squished on the road,
but it also might have been. If it was, then I hope that at
least I've learned something important from the experience--after
all, by all rights that frog should have been safely across the
road after I helped it to reach the other side.
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Overcome Worry
for a Healthier You
Kathy Gates
Norman Vincent Peale said, “You
are not what you think you are; but what you think, you are”.
If we follow this philosophy, then most of us are certifiable
worry machines.
Worry is our greatest energy drain.
It distorts our thinking and stops all forward action. Can
you control worrying?
First let’s make a distinction
between worrying and concern. Concern is acknowledging a problem
and taking steps to correct it. Worrying is going around in
circles, fretting, not thinking, or taking action.
Changing your behavior is a good
thing. But sometimes changing your behavior is merely
changing what you are doing, and what really matters is changing
what you are thinking. Our thinking directs our emotional
reaction, which in turn directs our behavior. The way we
react to a situation is not just a representation of the events;
our reaction also depends on what we think the events mean.
In an article on cognition and
behavior, Dr. John W. Bush illustrates how thinking affects our
behavior as follows: A friend is an hour late to meet you.
Depending on what you think happened (i.e., she was in an
accident, she’s rude, I wanted to do something else anyway), you
might be worried, annoyed, relieved, etc. These feelings
(ignited by the thoughts) will then dictate how you react, e.g.
calling the police, having angry words for her, or being glad she
bailed on you. Notice how directly your thoughts affected
how you felt and then directed the actions you took.
So how do you control your
thoughts? Through conscious choice and practice. When
you realize that you are worrying and fretting and are not
practicing concern, try this: Plant your feet firmly in reality,
and deal with the facts. Surrender to what you cannot change. Try
to improve on it with a plan of action. That way you are
thinking, formulating a plan, taking action. End of
worrying.
In “Life Strategies,” Dr.
Phillip McGraw deals with this idea in another way. He says,
“you create your own experience.” This means that you
understand and accept that the solution to not worry lies within
you. It’s a matter of choice. Ask yourself, “what
choices, thoughts, and behaviors can I change that will help me
worry less?”
I’m not suggesting that bad
things that may have happened to you were your choice. But
as an adult, you do have the choice about how you think about it
and deal with it. You create your experience day by day,
through the choices you make.
Dr. McGraw also said, “Choosing
thoughts contributes to your experience because when you choose
your thoughts, you choose the consequences associated with those
thoughts.” In order to truly change your actions
(external), you must change your perceptions (internal).
When we are able to alter our perspective, we have control of our
thoughts.
There are several ways to shift
your perspective in your life. Thomas Leonard, founder of Coach
University, identifies these three things:
• Finding and addressing the
fears that stop you from moving forward.
• Clarifying your vision, the
picture of what you want for your life, so you have a specific
destination to move toward.
• Letting go of the “shoulds”
in your life, doing things others want you to do but that make you
miserable.
When you are able to make these
shifts, you become internally directed as opposed to externally
motivated.
It has been said that men and women
can banish worry, fear, and even illness by changing their
thoughts. What have you got to lose? Change your mind, and
you change your life.
___________________
Kathy Gates, Professional Life
Coach, believes that “Life Rewards Action”. She helps people
set priorities and goals, take actions, make changes, and reshape
their lives. |
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