Hello, and welcome to another week in our lives!  We have
another set of days to make of as we will, to turn into
what we wish them to be.  May your week be one of personal
accomplishment and cherished moments, and may you
brighten the days of those around you!

Perspective on Parents
Robin McGraw

Up or Down?
tom walsh

Justification
Gail Pursell Elliott

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Let us labor to make the heart grow larger
as we become older, as spreading
oak gives more shelter.

Richard Jeffries

Sometimes it is more important
to discover what one cannot do,
than what one can do.

Lin Yutang

Theodore Roosevelt

My mother was the sweetest, gentlest woman you could ever meet.  She loved being a mother, and I know I get that from her.  And my father absolutely adored me, and I adored him.  He loved all five of us kids and made each of us feel as if we might just be his favorite.  That was the good part of my father.

There was another part too, a part that had to do with him drinking and not coming home and us not knowing where he was, whom he was with, or what he was doing.  It didn't seem to go with the rest of him, and yet there it was.

What I learned from reflecting on my parents' legacy is that life is complicated and love does not conquer all.  I learned that as much as my father loved me, he wasn't strong enough to save me from his disease; and as much as I adored him, there were aspects of him that I disliked immensely.  I learned that I admired my mother's strength, and that one day I would protect my own children the way she protected us.  But I also learned that her refusal to acknowledge my father's alcoholism had backfired, and her strategy of pretending nothing was wrong was one that would not work for me.  And so I made the choice to embrace those parts of my parents' legacy that were good and wholesome, and to absolutely, categorically reject the rest.

I want you to know you have a choice:  you do not have to haul your parents' legacy into your life like that old dining room set your great aunt left for you in her will.  If it makes you happy to eat at that table and sit in those chairs, by all means keep them.  But if it doesn't, remember you have options.  You can hold on to the table and toss the chairs.  Or lose the table and keep the chairs (perhaps reupholster the seats so they're more comfortable).  And if you just plain hate the whole thing, get rid of it before you bring it into the house.

Just as your great aunt's furniture might not fit your dining room, your parents' ways of living might not suit your life.  You're not insulting your dead aunt by rejecting her old furniture, and you're not betraying your parents by living your life differently than they lived theirs; in fact, what you're doing is being true to yourself.  I believe in the core of my being that you don't have to bring into your life anything that isn't working for you, nor are you fated to live out a future you had no part in creating.  Each of us possesses the will to create our own legacy.  It's all a choice.

Life Lesson

If we want to be truly autonomous,
truly our own selves, and take our lives
to the next level, we must embrace the
good parts of our upbringing and refuse
to allow the bad parts to rule our lives.
    

Eyes Wide Open
tom walsh

Up or Down?

For all of the work and studying that I do on the topic of knowing myself, there are times when I just don't have the clarity that I usually have, when I feel somewhat lost and out of place, when I don't have a clear idea of what I want to do or how I want to do it.  I'm unproductive, not very optimistic, and unable to get a grasp on the present situations, whatever they may be.  I start to wonder if I even have a purpose in life, or if I'm just stumbling through for no real rhyme or reason, just existing each day on my (hopefully) slow way to my grave, where we're all heading for.

I don't feel that way now, but I did last week.  And I don't necessarily think that these times are a negative part of my life--after all, we can learn from every aspect of our selves, can't we?  And one of the most important things we can do for ourselves is to respect all aspects of who we are, even those that may seem negative on the surface.  So I try to learn from those times so that when I'm out of them, I have an even clearer view of my life and all its aspects.

There are those who argue that the times of confusion are caused by chemical imbalances or psychological problems, but I'm not so sure.  I tend to see life as a series of cycles, up times and down times and in-between times, and if we can recognize those cycles and take them for all that they're worth, we can lead richer lives because we won't be getting angry at or disappointed with ourselves for the down times.  Have you ever watched a basketball game?  In almost every game that's played, one team will go on a run, scoring 10 or 12 or more points in the span of a few minutes while the other team scores none.  Almost invariably, that cycle will reverse, though, and the other team will then outscore their opponents 14-4 over the next few minutes.  Then they'll play even for a while, and then another team will take control for a few minutes, and so on and so on. . . .

The best thing a team can do while they're on the down side of one of these cycles is to recognize it and strengthen their defense.  Accepting the offensive down time allows them to focus on a very important aspect of their game, and any time they focus on it strongly, it improves as they learn.  The offense will come back if they've been practicing--they just need to be patient.

Nature goes through its own "down" time each winter, as the cold of the world causes trees to go dormant, flowers and plants to die, birds to fly south and other animals to hibernate.  Fortunately, winter doesn't last all year long--it's all part of a perfectly ordered cycle.  I'm fortunate that my down times aren't chronic; otherwise, medication might be in order.

Sometimes when I'm in the down mode, I start to get hard on myself, partly for being in a down mood and partly because I berate myself for not accomplishing more, not having done more with the life I've been given.  But more and more I realize that these down times are an important part of who I am, an important aspect of the overall lessons that I'm here on earth to be learning.  I'm not sure if they're a part of me because they help me to appreciate up times, or because they teach me things or because they help to reinforce the strength of the up times, but I figure that it's a combination of the three.

Now I try to use the down times as an opportunity to do more "passive" things like reading and going for long walks.  I try to allow myself not to try to be productive during these times, for that would lead to more frustration.

Who am I?  I'm the person I know during the up times, the one who tries to be helpful and considerate and respectful and compassionate.  But I'm also the person who has the down times when life looks more confusing, a bit bleak, and when hope seems to be far away and unattainable.  Rather than trying to fight this aspect of who I am and try to "fix" it, I know that I'm much better served by accepting this part of me, respecting it for what it gives me, and allowing it to be without allowing it to control me.  It's a difficult balance to maintain, of course, but one that's well worth the effort.

I know that my strength lies at the bottom of the valley
and I'll never be strong if I never go down there. . . .

(two lines of a poem I wrote long, long ago)

Sometimes, the problems you must face are more than you wish
to cope with, and tomorrow doesn't seem to offer any solutions.
You may ask yourself "Why me?" but the answer is sometimes
unclear.  You may even tend to feel that life hasn't been just
or fair to burden you with such obstacles.  The roads any of us
choose to follow are never free of bumps or curves, but eventually
the turns lead to a smoother path ahead.  Believe in yourself
and your dreams.  You will soon realize that the future holds
many promises for you.  Remember. . . difficult times don't last forever.

Geri Danks

There are a number of reasons for this.  The person may have adopted a victim mentality, may feel guilty that they were unable to prevent or protect themselves from the experience and may feel powerless as a result.  Even if the other person makes some sort of gesture to reconnect, the person may reject the opportunity either from fear, suspicion, or mistrust. 

People who use justification in negative ways are impossible to help, until they are ready.  They will resist or reject any form of positive suggestion, choosing the position that whatever happens they will never get over it.  The pain becomes more powerful than any possibility of ending it.  They choose to give their power over to fear, uncertainty and doubt, and allow it to consume them.

© Gail Pursell Elliott,  "The Dignity and Respect Lady";  Innovations "Training with a Can-Do Attitude"™
Box 552, Roland, IA 50236-0552; 515-388-9600; 515-231-8828 cell/voice mail www.innovations-training.com; info@innovations-training.com
Promoting Dignity and Respect, No Exceptions.

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are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do we
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Manifest Your Destiny. Wayne Dyer
This book provides a fascinating perspective of the world and our place in it. Just how much of our lives is under our own control? More than we think, Dyer says.

Forgiveness is the most powerful thing that you can do for your physiology and your spirituality, and it remains one of the least attractive things to us, largely because our egos rule so unequivocally.  To forgive is somehow associated with saying that it is all right, that we accept the evil deed. But this is not forgiveness. 

Forgiveness means that you fill yourself with love and you radiate that love outward and refuse to hang onto the venom or hatred that was engendered by the behaviors that caused the wounds.  Forgiveness is a spiritual act of love for yourself and it sends a message to everyone, including yourself, that you are an object of love and that that is what you _are going to impart. 

This is the process of unbonding from old wounds and no longer hanging onto them as prized possessions.  It means letting go of the language of blame and self-pity and no longer leading with one's wounds and injuries from the past.  It means privately forgiving and not asking anyone else to understand.  It means leaving behind the eye-for-an-eye attitude that only makes for more pain and the need for more revenge, and replacing it with an attitude of love and forgiveness.  The spiritual literature available to us from all religious persuasions honors this way. 

Feeling worthy is essential to being able to attract to yourself what you desire.  It is simply a matter of common sense.  If you don't feel that you deserve something, why would the divine energy that is in all things send it your way?  Thus, you must shift to knowing that you and the divine energy are one and the same, and that it is your ego that is conniving to keep you from knowing the power of this in your own life.