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10 March 2009 |
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| Those
who wish to secure the good of others have already
secured their own.
Confucious |
If
you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
the
Dalai Lama |
| Since
you have to do the things you have to do, be wise enough
to do some of the things you want to do.
Malcom
Forbes |
One day, who
knows? Even these hardships will be grand things
to look back on.
Virgil |
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Love
Ralph Waldo Trine
Our good
friend, Henry Drummond, in one of his most beautiful and
valuable little works, says--and how admirably and how
truly!--that “Love is the greatest thing in the
world.” Have you this greatest thing? Yes.
How, then, does it manifest itself? In kindliness,
in helpfulness, in service to those around you? If
so, well and good, you have it. If not, then I
suspect that what you have been calling love is something
else; and you have indeed been greatly fooled. In
fact, I am sure it is; for if it does not manifest itself
in this way, it cannot be true love, for this is the one
grand and never-failing test. Love is the statics,
helpfulness and service the dynamics, the former necessary
to the latter, but the latter the more powerful, as action
is always more powerful than potentiality; and, were it
not for the dynamics, the statics might as well not
be. Helpfulness: kindliness, service, is but the
expression of love. It is love in action; and unless
love thus manifests itself in action, it is an indication
that it is of that weak and sickly nature that needs
exercise, growth, and development, that it may grow and
become strong, healthy, vigorous, and true, instead of
remaining a little, weak, indefinite, sentimental
something or nothing.
It was
but yesterday that I heard one of the world's greatest
thinkers and speakers, one of our keenest observers of
human affairs, state as his opinion that selfishness is
the root of all evil. Now, if it is possible for any
one thing to be the root of all evil, then I think there
is a world of truth in the statement. But, leaving
out of account for the present purpose whether it is true
or not, it certainly is true that anyone who cannot get
beyond self robs their life of its chief charms, and more,
defeats the very ends they have in view.
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It is a
well-known law in the natural world about us that whatever
has not use, that whatever serves no purpose, shrivels
up. So it is a law of our own being that they who
make themselves of no use, of no service to the great body
of mankind, who are concerned only with their own small
self, find that self, small as is, growing smaller and
smaller, and those finer and better and grander qualities
of their nature, those that give the chief charm and
happiness to life, shrivelling up. Such a one lives,
keeps constant company with their own diminutive and
stunted self; while those who, forgetting self, make the
object of their lives service, helpfulness, and kindliness
to others, find their whole nature growing and expanding,
themselves becoming large-hearted, magnanimous, kind,
loving, sympathetic, joyous, and happy, their life
becoming rich and beautiful. For instead of their
own little life alone they have entered into and have part
in a hundred, a thousand, in countless numbers of other
lives; and every success, every joy, every happiness
coming to each of these comes as such to themselves, for
they have a part in each and all. And thus it is
that one becomes a prince among men, a queen among women.
Why, one
of the very fundamental principles of life is so much
love, so much love in return; so much love, so much
growth; so much love, so much power; so much love, so much
life--strong, healthy, rich, exulting, and abounding
life. The world is beginning to realize the fact
that love, instead of being a mere indefinite something,
is a vital and living force, the same as electricity is a
force, though perhaps of a different nature. The
same great fact we are learning in regard to thought--that
thoughts are things, that thoughts are forces, the most
vital and powerful in the universe, that they have
form and substance and power, the quality of the power
determined as it is by the quality of the life in whose
organism the thoughts are engendered; and so, when a
thought is given birth to, it does not end there, but
takes form, and as a force it goes out and has its effect
upon other minds and lives, the effect being determined by
its intensity and the quality of the prevailing emotions,
and also by the emotions dominating the person at the time
the thoughts are engendered and given form.
Science,
while demonstrating the great facts it is today
demonstrating in connection with the mind in its relations
to and effects upon the body, is also finding from the
very laboratory experiments that each particular kind of
thought and emotion has its own peculiar qualities, and
hence its own peculiar effects or influences; and these it
is classifying with scientific accuracy. A very
general classification in just a word would be those of a
higher and those of a lower nature.
Some of
the chief ones among those of the lower nature are anger,
hatred, jealousy, malice, rage. Their effect,
especially when violent, is to emit a poisonous substance
into the system, or rather, to set up a corroding
influence which transforms the healthy and life-giving
secretions of the body into the poisonous and the
destructive. When one, for example, is dominated,
even if for but a moment, by a passion of anger or rage,
there is set up in the system what might be justly termed
a bodily thunderstorm, which has the effect of souring or
corroding the normal and healthy secretions of the body
and making them so that instead of life-giving they become
poisonous. This, if indulged in to any extent,
sooner or later induces the form of disease that this
particular state of mind and emotion or passion gives
birth to; and it in turn becomes chronic.
We shall
ultimately find, as we are beginning to so rapidly today,
that practically all disease has its origin in perverted
mental states or emotions; that anger, hatred, fear,
worry, jealousy, lust, as well as all milder forms of
perverted mental states and emotions, has each its own
peculiar poisoning effects, and induces each its own
peculiar form of disease, for all life is from within
out. Then some of the chief ones belonging to the
other class mental states and emotions of the higher
nature are love, sympathy, benevolence, kindliness, and
good cheer. These are the natural and the normal;
and their effect, when habitually entertained, is to
stimulate a vital, healthy, bounding, purifying, and
life-giving action, the exact opposite of the others; and
these very forces, set into a bounding activity, will in
time counteract and heal the disease-giving effects of
their opposites. Their effects upon the countenance
and features in inducing the highest beauty that can dwell
there are also marked and all-powerful. So much,
then, in regard to the effects of one's thought forces
upon the self. A word more in regard to their
effects upon others.
Our
prevailing thought forces determine the mental atmosphere
we create around us, and all who come within its influence
are affected in one way or another, according to the
quality of that atmosphere; and though they may not always
get the exact thoughts, they nevertheless get the effects
of the emotions dominating the originator of the thoughts,
and hence the creator of this particular mental
atmosphere; and the more sensitively organized the person,
the more sensitive he or she is to this atmosphere, even
at times to getting the exact and very thoughts. So
even in this the prophecy is beginning to be fulfilled,
“There is nothing hid that shall not be revealed.”
If the
thought forces sent out by any particular life are those
of hatred or jealousy or malice or fault-finding or
criticism or scorn, these same thought forces are aroused
and sent back from others, so that one is affected not
only by reason of the unpleasantness of having such
thoughts from others, but they also in turn affect one's
own mental states, and through these one’s own bodily
conditions, so that, so far as even the welfare of self is
concerned, the indulgence in thoughts and emotions of this
nature are most expensive, most detrimental, most
destructive.
If, on
the other hand, the thought forces sent out be those of
love, of sympathy, of kindliness, of cheer and goodwill,
these same forces are aroused and sent back, so that their
pleasant, ennobling, warming, and life-giving effects one
feels and is influenced by; and so again, so far even as
the welfare of self is concerned, there is nothing more
desirable, more valuable and life-giving. There
comes from others, then, exactly what one sends to, and
hence calls forth from them. And would we have
all the world love us, we must first then love all the
world--merely a great scientific fact. Why is it
that all people instinctively dislike and shun the little,
the mean, the self-centered, the selfish, while all the
world instinctively, irresistibly, loves and longs for the
company of the great-hearted, the tender-hearted, the
loving, the magnanimous, the sympathetic, the brave?
The mere answer because will not satisfy.
There is a deep, scientific reason for it; either this, or
it is not true.
Much has
been said, much written, in regard to what some have been
pleased to call personal magnetism, but which, as is so
commonly true in cases of this kind, is even today but
little understood. But to my mind personal magnetism
in its true sense, and as distinguished from what may be
termed purely animal magnetism, is nothing more nor less
than the thought forces sent out by a great-hearted,
tender-hearted, magnanimous, loving, sympathetic man or
woman; for, let me ask, have you ever known of any great
personal magnetism in the case of the little, the mean,
the vindictive, the self-centered? Never, I venture
to say, but always in the case of the other.
Why,
there is nothing that can stand before this wonderful
transmuting power of love. So far even as the
enemy is concerned, I may not be to blame if I have an
enemy; but I am to blame if I keep them as such,
especially after I know of this wonderful transmuting
power. Have I then an enemy, I will refuse,
absolutely refuse, to recognize them as such; and instead
of entertaining the thoughts of them that they entertain
of me, instead of sending them like thought forces, I will
send them only thoughts of love, of sympathy, of brotherly
kindness, and magnanimity. But a short time it will
be until they feel these, and are influenced by
them. Then in addition I will watch my opportunity,
and whenever I can, I will even go out of my way to do
them some little kindnesses. Before these forces
they cannot stand, and by and by I shall find that he or
she who today is my bitterest enemy is my warmest friend,
and may be my staunchest supporter. No, the wise man
is he who by that wonderful alchemy of love transmutes the
enemy into the friend--transmutes the bitterest enemy into
the warmest friend and supporter. Certainly this is
what the Master teacher meant when He said: “Love your
enemies, do good to them that hate you and despitefully
use you: thou shalt thereby be heaping coals of fire upon
their heads.” For, thou shalt melt them:
before this force they cannot stand. Thou shalt melt
them, and transmute them into friends.
From
What All the World's A-Seeking, 1896
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The
Paradoxical Commandments
Kent M. Keith
People
are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish
ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and
true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be
shot down by the smallest men and women with the
smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed
overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do
help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked
in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
©
Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001; www.paradoxicalcommandments.com
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are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
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Life
Would Be Easy... If It Weren't for Communication
Differences
Connie Podesta
Sometimes
it seems that folks just don't get it. No matter
what you say or how you say it, they simply don't have a
clue--and don't seem too worried about getting one
either! It's not their nature to understand;
that's just how they "are." Maybe so, but more
often than not, the problem is a result of a
communication breakdown.
In this digitally inter-connected world, you'd think we
could "fix" such basic differences.
Unfortunately, it's not as easy as plugging another
device into the system. Maybe they're the
problem. Maybe you are. We all know
difficult people--and, in fact, we can all be the
difficult person.
A little background on communication styles can help us
understand the issues and learn how to alter our
approach to eventually make life a little easier for
both parties.
The Basics
Every time we speak, we choose and use one of four basic
communication styles: assertive, aggressive,
passive or passive-aggressive.
Assertive Communication
The most effective and healthiest form of communication
is the assertive style. It's how we naturally
express ourselves when our self-esteem is intact, giving
us the confidence to communicate without games and
manipulation.
When we are being assertive, we work hard to create
mutually satisfying solutions. We communicate our
needs clearly and forthrightly. We care about the
relationship and strive for a win/win situation.
We know our limits and refuse to be pushed beyond them
just because someone else wants or needs something from
us. Surprisingly, assertive is the style most
people use least.
Aggressive Communication
Aggressive communication always involves
manipulation. We may attempt to make people do
what we want by inducing guilt (hurt) or by using
intimidation and control tactics (anger). Covert
or overt, we simply want our needs met--and right
now! Although there are a few arenas where
aggressive behavior is called for (i.e., sports or war),
it will never work in a relationship. Ironically,
the more aggressive sports rely heavily on team members
and rational coaching strategies.
Passive Communication
Passive communication is based on compliance and hopes
to avoid confrontation at all costs. In this mode
we don't talk much, question even less, and actually do
very little. We just don't want to rock the
boat. Passives have learned that it is safer not
to react and better to disappear than to stand up and be
noticed.
Passive-Aggressive Communication
A combination of styles, passive-aggressive avoids
direct confrontation (passive), but attempts to get even
through manipulation (aggressive). If you've ever
thought about making that certain someone who needs to
be "taught a thing or two" suffer (even just a
teeny bit), you've stepped pretty close to (if not on
into) the devious and sneaky world of the
passive-aggressive.
So now what?
Clearly, for many reasons, the only healthy
communication style is assertive communication.
Surely you can identify many people in your own life
that favor each of the four styles. Most of us use
a combination of these four styles, depending on the
person or situation. The styles we choose
generally depend on what our past experiences have
taught us will work best to get our needs met in each
specific situation. If you take a really good look
at yourself, you've probably used each throughout your
lifetime.
Understanding the four basic types of communication will
help you learn how to react most effectively when
confronted with a difficult person. It will also
help you recognize when you are using manipulative
behavior to get your own needs met. Remember, you
always have a choice as to which communication style you
use. If you're serious about taking control of
your life, practice being more assertive. It will
help you diffuse anger, reduce guilt and build
relationships-- both personally and professionally.
Take Action!
Begin to pay attention to which communication styles you
use throughout the day. How often do you use a
communication style other than assertive?
Watch and identify the communication styles some of the
difficult people in your life use. Can you begin
to notice how others use manipulative techniques to get
their way?
Connie
Podesta is an author, counselor, educator, humorist,
playwright, consultant, songwriter, actress and trainer.
She radiates a super-charged, high-energy presence that
immediately involves people and has them responding to
her exciting challenge to reach for the best in
themselves! With her talent for humor, flair for drama
and unique insight into human behavior, Connie delivers
solid content and practical techniques that can be put
to use immediately at work and home. Visit
her at conniepodesta.com!
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Negative
Thinking Never Helps
Jeff Keller
I've never had someone come up to me and say, "I'm
always negative and it's working out great for me.
I can't wait to get up in the morning!" And
yet, positive thinking still has its skeptics.
Some people tell me that positive thinking doesn't work
or that it's "unrealistic," especially in
today's turbulent world.
"Look around you," they say. "How
can you be so positive?" Well, let me ask you
this: can the world be lifted out of negativity by
adding MORE negativity?
The truth is, there are certain things that negative
thinking will do for you. It will make you
sick. It will make you very unpleasant to be
around. And, it will
significantly limit what you can achieve.
Let's take a closer look at why negative thinking
doesn't serve us. For starters, we all operate
under the Law of Dominant Thought. Simply stated,
we're always moving in the direction of our dominant
thoughts.
Most of us have heard about the "self-fulfilling
prophecy"--that we get what we expect in
life. Expect negative results and, sure enough,
you'll produce negative results.
As I'm sure you've found, negative thinking also causes
you to feel more stress and to have less energy.
Scientific studies have demonstrated that negativity
weakens your immune system. How many times have
you gotten sick during a
stressful period in your life?
If you're still not convinced about the effects of being
negative, take out a sheet of paper and write down your
list of all the benefits you're getting from negative
thinking. I think your list is going to be very
short, if you come up
with anything at all.
Let me make an important distinction here. It's
quite natural for a person to feel sad in response to a
tragedy or the death of a loved one. There's a
period of loss and grieving that differs for each
individual, and we don't expect a grief stricken person
to be positive in the short run.
However, even a person in that situation will not be
served by holding onto their negative thoughts
indefinitely. (By the way, if you've suffered some
trauma or have had a difficult time releasing negative
thinking, by all means get
counseling. That's not a sign of weakness--it's a
constructive step to help you move forward in your
life.)
Doing What Comes Naturally
From everything I've observed, babies are naturally
positive. They're usually smiling and seem to be
enjoying life. I haven't met any negative,
frowning babies. That's why I don't buy the argument
that negative thinking is just
natural.
Those who think negatively do so out of habit.
They have conditioned themselves to think that
way. In Western societies in particular, we've
developed the tendency to focus on minor irritations,
even though these annoyances are only a tiny part of our
overall lives. We tend to focus on
the 5% of our lives that are going "wrong". .
. instead of the 95% going well.
We'll sigh and tell everyone about the traffic jam or
flat tire on the way to work. Yet, we'll never
comment about the miracle of our existence--the billions
of cells in our body that somehow allow our brain to
function, our heart to pump blood or our eyes to see.
We don't appreciate that we have enough food to eat or
that we have a roof over our heads, while there are
millions of people who don't have these gifts.
It's no wonder that so many people think negatively.
The newspaper is filled with negative news.
Television and radio reports dwell on tragedies and
crimes. How often do you read or hear about people
helping each other or doing something positive?
Hardly ever. If you do nothing to
counteract this bombardment of negativity, you're going
to think negatively.
At any time, however, you could take control of this
situation. You could stop watching and listening to all
of the negative news and read something positive
instead. You could limit your contact with
"toxic" people and make sure your life is
filled with positive inputs.
If you did that, your "natural" inclination
would switch and you'd begin to think positively.
Quick Mental Exercises
I'll show you that you have much more control over your
thinking than you might believe. Try this
experiment. Right now, think about your favorite
movie. You might even get a picture in your mind
of your favorite scene in that movie.
Now, let's think about your favorite meal. What is
it? A fresh salad . . . a juicy steak . . .
grilled salmon? Whatever it is, just think about
it. Now that your mouth is watering, let's move
on. Think about being out in a snowstorm, with two
feet of snow on the ground. Can you see the snow
and feel the cold on your toes?
In each case, you were able to control what you thought
about. You could shift your thinking in an
instant. It has been said that positive thinking
is harmful because optimistic people ignore things that
can go wrong or are easily duped and taken advantage of.
In other words, if you expect the sun to be shining all
the time, you're just naive and are sure to be
disappointed. But positive thinking doesn't mean
that you ignore reality or refuse to consider the
obstacles that might arise. On the
contrary, the positive person expects a positive outcome
but prepares for overcoming obstacles.
For example, if a positive person is planning an outdoor
wedding, he or she won't use the power of positive
thinking to make sure it doesn't rain on the big
day. Rather, a positive person is prepared with
contingency plans, focusing
on things that she can directly control, such as having
a tent available in case it does rain.
By this point, I hope that you're receptive to the idea
that negative thinking won't help us. So, the
question is: how can we change our thinking to become
more positive? The answer, simply stated, is that
you must change what goes
into your mind every day.
Start by eliminating as many of the negative inputs as
possible. While you can listen to the news for a
few minutes to catch the important headlines,
there is no need to hear reports of the same murders and
bombings over and over each
day. At the same time, replace the negative inputs
with positive stimuli.
Read positive materials on a daily basis. Listen to
positive audio tapes or CDs, or to music that inspires
or relaxes you.
Here's another technique: monitor your everyday
language. When you find yourself beginning to
complain or talk negatively, switch immediately to
something positive. Say something like, "I
really have so much to be grateful for" and start
listing some of those things.
Condition yourself to focus on constructive solutions to
challenges, rather than harping on problems or fretting
about things outside of your control. Make a
commitment for the next 30 days. Think about what
you want instead of what
you don't want.
Think about what you're grateful for rather than what
you believe is missing in your life. Saturate your
mind with the positive. After 30 days, you can
then decide whether to keep focusing on the positive or
to revert to your negative
thinking pattern. I think I know which one you'll
choose!
ude is Everything, Inc.
For
more than 15 years, Jeff has delivered presentations on
attitude and motivation to businesses, groups and trade
associations throughout the United States and
abroad. Jeff is also the author of the highly
acclaimed book, Attitude is Everything. For
more information, go to http://www.attitudeiseverything.com
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The
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Elizabeth
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We
need to find God, and he cannot be
found in noise and restlessness. God is
the friend of
silence. See how nature--
trees, flowers, grass--grow in
silence;
see the stars, the moon and sun, how they move in
Silence. . . . The more we receive
in silent prayer, the
more we can give
in our active life. We need silence
to be
able to touch souls.
Mother
Teresa
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