Depression
has played a major role in my life. In some ways, I wish
that I had never had to go through it, but in others, I
know that my life is richer because of the time that I've
spent deep in pain. Winston Churchill called it a big
black dog that sat in the corner, watching him all the
time; to me, it was more like a fog that every once in a
while would roll in over me, blocking my view of
everything bright and beautiful. I felt horrible that the
people who knew me thought it was something I could
control, something I was doing by choice--never would I
be so masochistic as to put myself through that kind of
anguish.
But the most important thing about
depression was that it passed. Sometimes sooner,
sometimes later, but it always passed. And because of it,
I have some gifts that I know will serve me my whole life
long: I have compassion, for I've been through horrible
emotional pain; I have a great appreciation for feeling
good and looking for all the positive aspects of life; I
have insight, for the depression drew me deep, deep
inside myself to places where I never would have chosen
to go; I have joy, for the greatest joys come when I
compare the times when I'm feeling good to those terrible
feelings I've had before.
Depression is terrible--there's no doubt
about that. My depression hurt me, and hurt some of my
friendships and relationships. But we've been given a
great deal of strength and resilience, and we always have
to remember that no matter how dark the night, the sun
will always rise. Even on the darkest, stormiest days, we
know that the sun is there behind the clouds, and it will
come to us once more.
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