Looking for and pointing out other people's
imperfections often doesn't stop with them--most people
who are critical of others are even more critical with
themselves, and they spend quite a lot of time and energy
dealing with their own perceived faults, not just those of
other people in their lives. When someone seems to
be completely lacking in compassion to us, even if that
person seems to be self-absorbed, that focus on self
usually isn't one that's defined by loving kindness, and
all too often is a focus that results in a living hell.
And thus the cycle perpetuates itself: we're hard on
ourselves, and therefore we find reasons to criticize
others for their perceived imperfections, and that focus
on imperfections extends right back to ourselves, so we're
hard on ourselves. It's what is known as a vicious
cycle, and it harms not just the people we're judging, but
Most people who write about compassion make it very clear
that we can't love others until we love ourselves.
After all, what model of love do we have? We have to
have something upon which to base our love and compassion,
and if we truly don't know what those things are, if we're
very harsh and judgmental with ourselves, then how are we
supposed to be kind and compassionate with others?
But all too often we see self-love as being self-indulgent
and selfish, so we aren't kind with ourselves and other
people in our lives suffer because of it.
Love yourself. Accept yourself as you are and love
yourself. Even if you have major problems, they
still are what they are and they won't be changed until
you accept them and love the person you are, faults and
all. If more people in this world would love
themselves unconditionally, we would have far less strife
on this planet, and far more positive people who are kind
and compassionate to others.