Pain is difficult to go through, we all know.
But sometimes our friends and loved ones can inadvertently
make things worse by trying to give us advice, trying to
"fix" things when what we really need is a
sympathetic ear, someone to just be there. Someone
who, when we tell them how we're feeling, doesn't say,
"Well, you should. . ." When we're hurt,
the best thing we can do is allow our feelings to be, and
to try to deal with them and let them pass. You may
feel that your advice is valid, but we must keep in mind
that what works for us more than likely won't work for
It's so tempting to want to be helpful. It's so
tempting to want to "make" a loved one feel
better. But when I'm feeling down, I may react best
to laughter. You may react best to journaling about
the pain--and your advice to me to journal would be
heartfelt and sincere, but not at all helpful. You
being there for me to just share the pain that I feel and
help me to deal with it would be extremely helpful.
I would like you to be there for me. I want to be
there for the people in my life. But being there
doesn't mean that you or I have to "fix"
anything for anyone else--our compassion and our company
can be the most effective medicine that we can offer to
someone who means a lot to us in life.