Some Marriage Advice
Norman Vincent Peale

  

Men and women who embark on marriage owe it to themselves, and to their children who will eventually continue the institution, to try with all their strength to build and maintain a serene, loving atmosphere in their home.  We would like to offer these practical suggestions as to how it may be done.

1.   Before you marry be sure that you know your minds as well as your hearts are attuned to each other.  There must be at the start a community of beliefs, and attitudes, and goals.  But minimize, rather than make an issue of, any lack of agreement you may find after marriage.

2.   Grow along together, as the circumstances of your life bring new viewpoints and interests.  Do not allow one of you to stand still, while the other marches ahead.

3.   Never forget that marriage is not a contest of wills but an equal partnership in which each must share and share alike the rewards as well as the sorrows.

4.   Learn the wisdom of talking things over together frankly.  One of the great philosophers said, "There is no hurt that cannot be cured by quiet talking."  Discuss your problems and grievances without rancor, and with a will to adjust to them.  But if you do quarrel remember the old admonition to settle it before you go to sleep.

5.   Do not be timid about discussing money.  It is joint property after marriage.  Reach a clear understanding about finances, so that both of you will know where you stand.  Keep it an open subject just as any other partners in any other business enterprise would.

6.   Do not expect of your spouse what he or she should not by right be expected to give.  Your wife cannot be a mother to you, nor your husband a father.

7.   Loyalty is priceless.  Never discuss your mate with family or friend.

8.   Treat your children, not as copies or extensions of yourself, but as individuals with personalities of their own.  Help them to develop.  If there is disagreement or uncertainty about their training, seek the advice of a counselor or your pastor.  But avoid bickering in front of them in discussing their problems, or arguing about how they should be brought up.

9.   Surround yourself, as far as possible, with friends who have ideals similar to yours and who believe in the same things.

10.   Regard marriage as something to be entered into and kept.  The determination to make it work is of the utmost importance.  Its success may depend on this attitude.

It is true that marriage is difficult.  There is no purpose in trying to deny a fact which experience so clearly proves.  But experience also shows that it difficulties can be met, its promised high rewards can be won.  Husbands and wives can live happily together and bring up children who will develop into contented and useful people.  They can and they will if they base their union on a true understanding of themselves and each other, and on a sincere practice of the principles of their religion.
  
  

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