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To live in love is life's greatest challenge. It
requires more subtlety, flexibility, sensitivity,
understanding, acceptance, tolerance, knowledge and
strength than any other human endeavor or emotion, for
love and the actual world make up what seem like two great
contradictory forces. On the one hand, we may know
that only be being vulnerable can we truly offer and
accept love. At the same time, we know that if we
reveal this vulnerability in daily life, we often run the
risk of being misused, taken advantage of. We sense
that if we hole a part of ourselves in reserve to protect
this vulnerability, we will always receive in return only
the partial love we give. So, the only chance we
have for a depth of love is to give all that we
have. Yet, we discover that when we give all that we
have, we are often left with little or nothing in reserve.
We know that we must trust and believe in love, for it's
the only approach to love. Yet, if we express our
trust and belief, society doesn't hesitate to abuse us and
take us for fools. If we have hope in love and know
that it's only with this hope that we can make this dream
of an all-loving humanity a reality, society ridicules us
as idealistic dreamers. If we don't seek love
frantically, we're suspected of being impotent and an
"odd-ball." Yet we know that love isn't to
be sought after; it's everywhere, and to search is
self-deception, a charade.
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If
we decide to spend each moment of our lives, living in
love, in the knowledge that we are most real and human
when we are living love, society labels us as weak-minded
romantics. Love and the practices of the real world
seem at odds, miles apart. It is no wonder so may
people do not have the courage to attempt to bridge the
gap, for in practice, the gap seems unbridgeable.
We have, on the one hand, the understanding and drives for
growing in love, but society makes this knowledge
difficult in practice. Society's reality differs
from love's reality. The strength to believe in love
when you are pitted against a nonreinforcing proving
ground is more than most people can accept. So they
find it easier to put love aside, to reserve it for
special people on unique occasions and join forces with
society in questioning its supposed reality.
To be open to love, to trust and believe in love, to be
hopeful in love and live in love, you need the greatest
strength. This condition is so seldom experienced in
real life that people don't know how to cope with it, even
when they discover it. They crucify a Jesus, shoot a
Gandhi, behead a Thomas More and poison a Socrates.
Society has little place for honesty, tenderness,
goodness, or concern. These get in the way of the
"way of the world." The phenomenon has
been the basis for great works of literature from Plato's Republic
and Dostoevsky's The Idiot, to Kazantzakis' The
Great Passion and Luis Bunuel's The Nazarene.
It's almost like a game. People seek a figure to exalt.
They select him carefully, spend some time at his feet in
adulation, then get great satisfaction in the
slaughter. It's as if they cannot handle perfection,
as if it causes them to reflect upon themselves, to move
them to change, the thought of which is perhaps too
uncomfortable and painful. It's easier not to see or
concern themselves with perfection. Then they can be
content with their own imperfection.
It's a fact that we do not move in a world of
lovers. If we deal in the world of people, we're more
likely to come upon selfishness, cruelty, deception,
manipulation, and like parasitic actions. If we
depend upon the real world outside of ourselves for
reinforcement, we'll be disillusioned and soon discover
that society and people are far less than perfect.
For our society was created by less than perfect
people. To cope with what we find and to still live
in love, we must have strength. We'll only survive
if this strength lies within ourselves. We must not
put our love upon the world and if it is rejected blame
the world for its insensitivity. If we find no love,
we can blame only the fact that we have no love. We
must have love securely in ourselves. We must
dedicate ourselves to love, be resolute in our love and
unwavering in our love.
It's a fact that we do not move in a world of
lovers. If we deal in the world of people, we're more
likely to come upon selfishness, cruelty, deception,
manipulation, and like parasitic actions. If we
depend upon the real world outside of ourselves for
reinforcement, we'll be disillusioned and soon discover
that society and people are far less than perfect.
For our society was created by less than perfect
people. To cope with what we find and to still live
in love, we must have strength. We'll only survive
if this strength lies within ourselves. We must not
put our love upon the world and if it is rejected blame
the world for its insensitivity. If we find no love,
we can blame only the fact that we have no love. We
must have love securely in ourselves. We must
dedicate ourselves to love, be resolute in our love and
unwavering in our love.
We must not be as Voltaire's foolish Candide and recognize
only goodness even where evil exists. We must also
know evil, hate and bigotry as real phenomena, but we must
see love as the greater force. We must not doubt
this even for a moment or we are lost. Our only
salvation is to dedicate ourselves to love, in the same
fashion as Gandhi did to militant nonviolence, as Socrates
did to truth, as Jesus did to love and as More did to
integrity. Only then will we have the strength to
combat the forces of doubt, confusion, and
contradiction. We can depend upon no one or no thing
for reinforcement and assurance but ourselves. This
may be a lonely path, but it's less lonely if we will
understand the following:
*
Our main function is to help unfold our true Self.
* Equal to this function is helping others to become
strong, and perfect themselves as unique individuals.
* We will do this best by affording all persons the
opportunity to show their feelings, express their
aspirations and share their dreams.
* We must see the forces labeled "evil" as
emanating from suffering people who, like ourselves, are
"human" and in the process of attempting to
perfect their "beings."
* We must combat these forces of evil through an active
love which is deeply concerned and interested in each
person's quest for self-discovery.
* We must believe that it is not the world that is ugly,
bitter, and destructive, but it is what people have done
to the world that makes it appear so.
* We must be models. Not models of perfection, a state not
often reached by people, but model human beings. For
being a good human being is the greatest thing we can be.
* We must be able to forgive ourselves for being less than
perfect.
* We must understand that change is inevitable, and that
when it is directed to love and self-realization, it is
always good.
* We must be convinced that behavior, to be learned, must
be tried out. "To be is to do."
* We must learn that we cannot be loved by all people.
That is the ideal. In the world of people, it is not
often found. We can be the finest plum in the world,
ripe, juicy, sweet, succulent and offer ourselves to
all. But we must remember that there will be people
who do not like plums.
* We must understand that if we are the world's finest
plum and someone we love does not like plums, we have the
choice of becoming a banana. But we must be warned
that if we choose to become a banana, we will be a
second-rate banana. But we can always be the best
plum.
* We must realize that if we choose to be a second-rate
banana, we run the risk of the loved one finding us
second-best and, wanting only the best, discarding
us. We can then spend our lives trying to become the
best banana--which is impossible if we are a plum--or we
can seek again to be the best plum.
* We must endeavor to love all people even if we aren't
loved by them. We don't love to be loved; we love to
love.
* We must reject no person, for we realize that we are a
part of every person and to reject even one person, is to
reject ourselves.
* We must know that if we love all people and are rejected
by one, we must not pull away in fear, pain,
disappointment, or anger. It is not the other
person's fault. The person was not ready for what
was offered. Love was not offered to the person with
conditions. Love was given because someone was
fortunate enough to have it to give, because the person
felt joy in the giving, not for what he or she would
receive in return.
* We must understand that, if we are rejected in one love,
there are hundreds of others awaiting love. The idea
that there is but one right love is
deception. There are many right loves.
These ideas will aid in giving you strength to be a lover,
for to be a lover will require that you continually have
the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the
child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of
the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the
tolerance of the dedicated, the knowledge of the scholar,
and the fortitude of the certain. A tall
order! All of these qualities will grow in those who
choose love for these are already a part of our potential
and will be realized through loving. It becomes,
then, a matter of loving your way to love.
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