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One of
the most important questions you can ever ask yourself is,
"Do I want to be "right"--or do I want to
be happy?" Many times, the two are mutually
exclusive!
Being
right, defending our positions, takes an enormous amount
of mental energy and often alienates us from the people in
our lives. Needing to be right--or needing someone
else to be wrong--encourages others to become defensive,
and puts pressure on us to keep defending. Yet, many
of us (me, too, at times) spend a great deal of time and
energy attempting to prove (or point out) that we are
right--and/or others are wrong. Many people,
consciously or unconsciously, believe that it's somehow
their job to show others how their positions, statements,
and points of view are incorrect, and that in doing so,
the person they are correcting is going to somehow
appreciate it, or at least learn something. Wrong!
Think
about it. Have you ever been corrected by
someone and said to the person who was trying to be right,
"Thank you so much for showing me that I'm wrong and
you're right. Now I see it. Boy, you're
great!" Or, has anyone you know ever thanked
you (or even agreed with you) when you corrected them, or
made yourself "right" at their expense? Of
course not. The truth is, all of us hate to be
corrected. We all want our positions to be respected
and understood by others. Being listened to and
heard is one of the greatest desires of the human
heart. And those who learn to listen are the most
loved and respected. Those who are in the habit of
correcting others are often resented and avoided.
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It's not that it's
never appropriate to be right--sometimes you genuinely need to be
or want to be. Perhaps there are certain philosophical
positions that you don't want to budge on such as when you hear a
racist comment. Here, it's important to speak your
mind. Usually, however, it's just your ego creeping in and
ruining an otherwise peaceful encounter--a habit of wanting or
needing to be right.
A wonderful,
heartfelt strategy for becoming more peaceful and loving is to
practice allowing others the joy of being right--give them the
glory. Stop correcting. As hard as it may be to change
this habit, it's worth any effort and practice it takes.
When someone says, "I really feel it's important to. . .
" rather than jumping in and saying, "No, it's more
important to. . . " or any of the hundreds of other forms of
conversational editing, simply let it go and allow their statement
to stand. The people in your life will become less defensive
and more loving. They will appreciate you more than you
could ever have dreamed possible, even if they don't exactly know
why. You'll discover the joy of participating in and
witnessing other people's happiness, which is far more rewarding
than a battle of egos. You don't have to sacrifice your
deepest philosophical truths or most heartfelt opinions, but,
starting today, let others be "right," most of the time!
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Got
a stress case in your life? Of course
you do: "Without question, many of us
have mastered the neurotic art of spending
much of our lives worrying about a variety
of things all at once." Carlson's cheerful book
aims to make us stop and smell--if not roses--whatever is
sitting in front of our
noses. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff offers
100 meditations designed to make you
appreciate being alive, keep your
emotions (especially anger and
dissatisfaction) in proper perspective,
and cherish other people as the unique
miracles they are. It's an owner's manual
of the heart, and if you follow the
directions, you will be a happier,
more harmonious person. |
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