| i truly envy those people
who have grown up in strong families in which they've
received encouragement and help since day one. these
people aren't necessarily those who change the world or
fight and claw their way to the top of things, but they're
the people who go about life with a quiet satisfaction,
who look at success and failure both as normal parts of
life, who know always that there is someone there to help
them, no matter how bad any situation may get. these are
the people who make good friends, for they're used to
being treated like people, not like kids, and they're
used to a life that's full of realistic expectations.
family life must include discipline,
but too often discipline turns into a reflection of the
authority figure's own insecurities. an insecure
person disciplines far too much or not at all, and both
are disastrous for children.
family life must include love, unconditional love, but
that love must be tempered with realistic expectations of
children and of spouses, and when someone isn't living up
to those expectations, that someone must be held
accountable for his or her actions.
family life must include security,
but risk-taking must also be modeled. life without
risk is no life at all--it's stagnant and boring, and
nothing new is invited in ever, so no one learns more
about life and other people.
in his novel island, aldous
huxley explores the concept of community as family, and
explores a culture in which everyone sees everyone else
as family--if a child isn't getting along with his or her
parents at the moment, he or she goes to live with
someone else for a few days. the parents don't see
this as a threat to their love or authority--they see it
as a natural cooling-down period, a time for reflection
and for taking a break from each other.
so many family problems come about
because we're insecure--we're afraid someone won't love
us any more, we're afraid they won't respect us, we're
afraid we'll lose our security. the people i know
from strong families never fear any of these things--they
know that love is strong and that the ties that bind are
healthy and loving and secure, and they're able to give
much more to others and to themselves because they know
that they're supported.
i guess the problem is this: what
if our families aren't like this?
the answer is simple--look for family
members. not all of our brothers were born into our
biological family. i have more sisters than my
biological ones--they're people whom i love dearly, and
who will always be there for me. i've met other
parents, and my second mother is as dear to me as my
biological mother, though the tie that i have with my
biological mother will never be matched. find the
people who accept you for who you are, and who love you
for being that person. look for sisters or brothers,
not lovers, and your world will be transformed into a
lovely, secure place in which even the disasters that are
bound to happen won't destroy you or those you love, for
you're part of a huge family that one day will recognize
itself as such--the human race. |
